Carbon Copy

The problem started when i brought 
home my fiancee at the age of 23 
I had just finished NYSC and we were 
in love 
I didn't see any reason to wait at all 
In fact, I was seven weeks pregnant 
for him 
His parents had met me and they loved me 
I felt my parents would be glad to let me go 
We had never been on good terms 
(I and my parents) 
My mother is the main problem in all this 
She is a domineering character who tacitly 
manipulates everybody to do her biding 
including my daddy 
I do not see eye to eye with her because of 
her control issues 
If you don't mind me saying so, I think she is 
a witch but not the flying type. 
She was just programmed to meddle, distort, 
complain and control the life of everyone 
around her 
Ironically, she does this in the name of JESUS 
and "My Pastor" said... 
We are an average Christian family and the 
church we attend didn't help matters 
It is one of those churches where you have 
to use the flesh to conquer the flesh and 
live in bondage all in a bid to live a holy life. 
Witchcraft, the sort my mother is a specialist 
in goes hand in hand with the doctrine of 
the church! 
Your life must be controlled by the church 
doctrine so that you can make heaven. 
I must confess that I am the carbon copy 
of my mother, I know this is primarily why 
we don't see eye to eye 
We are just too alike to agree on anything
I managed to stay at home through our 
fights until i finished from secondary school. 
The stifling and pungent atmosphere at 
home was killing me. 
This encouraged me to sit up and face my 
studies, i passed all my papers in one sitting 
and escaped to the University. 
I was determined to find love my own way! 
The "love" in my family is far from Christ's love
I did find love when I was in 300Level 
When Love came to me, Love was handsome, 
soft-spoken and very caring 
Love spoke tenderly to me 
Love understood me and made my heart sing 
Above all, love endured 
He was an engineering student, a believer like 
me 
Someone whose love makes me "me"
We were together until we graduated 
I tacitly mentioned him to my mother over 
the phone 
My mother laughed and said "I cannot marry 
outside the church" 
I knew what she meant but I took it to mean 
outside the body of Christ 
My man was not of our denomination 
I hate that denomination
I spoke with my father 
As usual, he was diplomatic 
He loves me but we were all scared of the 
"witch" he married 
From the way my father spoke, i sensed that 
there would be a strong resistance 
So I started working on my man, 
I tried to convince him to do a court wedding 
with me and forget my parents 
He said No! 
He was a good guy who felt things should 
be done properly 
He had no idea what sort of closed-minded 
Christianity my parent's denomination 
practiced in the name of "making" heaven 
Our denomination was almost like a cult 
and yet sin was stinking within
Eventually, I pulled the carnal card and 
found a way to get us having sex 
That was how i got pregnant 
I was sure nobody would be able to argue 
after that 
Brother Gbenga, I was wrong 
My mother pretended to accept my decision 
Two days after i got home, i had a miscarriage 
Believe it
I saw blood at around 2 am 
My father rushed me to the hospital 
I was admitted and placed on a drip 
I was drifting in and out of sleep, 
I think a sedative was administered to me 
I was half awake when i heard my mother 
saying to my sister 
"Dont worry...It is not done, it won't happen
I was discharged three days later 
As soon as i got home, my mother called 
a meeting 
She said I cannot marry my man 
The miscarriage was an omen 
Younger sisters were not supposed to 
marry before the older ones 
I cannot get married until my elder sister 
got married "It is not done!"
I laughed and told her she was joking 
She threw in the "I have prayed and 
presented your case before our 
pastor's card! They said he is not 
your husband" I laughed and asked her 
why Her own "Holy Spirit" is so deaf and 
dumb that she cannot hear from God 
herself 
She got offended
I was offended too
She started cursing me 
I walked out of the meeting 
I started packing my bag 
I never wanted to go to that house in the 
first place
Every good thing I take there gets to rot 
For five years while i was in the University 
I stayed far away from that House of horror 
I have no place there
Later, my sister came into the room 
She wanted to talk to me 
Sister to sister talk 
But her words were straight out of a fool's 
handbook 
She said "But why are you in a hurry to get 
married? You have your whole life ahead of 
you, what has the guy given you to eat" 
It is my life!!!
I have a right to live it my way 
I have a right to the pursuit of happiness 
I have the right to frolic with and date anybody 
I so desire 
I have a right to my mistakes 
I have a right to my independence 
I have a right to worship God outside of their 
denomination 
It was all too much
I couldn't hold back anymore 
I told her off 
She was 31 years old and accomplished in 
every way 
She had a degree but had not lived for
 one day in her life 
My mother was living her second life 
through her 
She was waiting for a brother in that 
denomination to ask for her hand in
marriage 
And I was supposed to queue behind her 
because I want to make heaven 
Her words didn't come from a place of care 
It was all about muzzling my life's expressions 
and forcing me to comply 
My mother couldn't hold it 
She jumped in to defend her daughter from 
my verbal assault
Both of them ganged up on me and beat 
me up 
I guess words were too simple for my stubborn 
head 
I needed to be assaulted before i could listen 
Before my father could step into the mess, 
whatever pretense we had left in the so-called 
family had been torn to shreds 
I was so done!
I would have left immediately but my father 
held my hand and cried 
He could see that he was losing a daughter 
forever 
I couldn't drag him so I sat down 
My mother and sister left 
My father refused to release me 
My mother came later 
She apologized and said she had prayed 
for me
You came to our house the following day 
My father invited you 
You prayed with the family 
You sat us down and told us Jesus didn't 
come to start a religion or a denomination
You said Jesus came to make dead people
live again
You said Christianity is not a yoke, it is liberty 
You were diplomatic and blunt at the same 
time It helped
That same evening my parents asked me to 
inform my man that they will be willing to 
accept him and his family whenever they are 
ready 
I knew I would have to fight to get my freedom 
You made it easy for all of us 
One month later we had the introduction 
My parents didn't invite anybody from their 
church 
They felt it was a thing of shame that they 
would flout the rules of the denomination 
so blatantly
 I didn't care 
I was happy you came and you stayed throughout 
You even took pictures with us and blessed us 
You told us to close the chapter of the past
and open fresh chapters for the future 
Thank you Brother Gbenga 
Thank you so much 
All the pains I had since I was a child 
somehow petered out after the wedding 
I don't really have a good relationship like 
that with my mother and sister now 
But I am no longer angry and helpless
God has given me the opprotunity to
know better and do better
Do you know once in a while when i am
acting up with my husband and daughter
and I see myself behaving like my mother
I would laugh and say aloud to myself
"You will not turn out like her"
I am consciously working on myself by the
power of the Holy Spirit and i am getting
better

PS: This event happened in Lagos
I have seen denominations constituting
a barrier to the reality of their members
in the name of doctrine and precedence
We become more and more like the 
Pharisees and Saducees that way
If the Holy Spirit has a purpose for a 
brother and a sister (His Children) and they
both belong to two different denominations
The Church will say NO and even quote 
the Holy Spirit as their witness.
This is so wrong!
We must not limit the Holy One of Israel
He is the Head of the Church 
Denominations like any other institution
was made for man
Man was not made to serve any ideology
or abstract identity
God placed Man over all things
Let us always remember this.

GSW's Notes: The Gentleman who reached
out to me wrote to me saying his home was
on fire
He was a fine believer and a good example
A choleric is one of the most difficult 
individuals to live with, especially one who 
has not met the Holy Spirit in Spirit and truth
I have seen them at work
Witchcraft is a joke compared to what they
are capable of
If you are choleric, please work on it
People do not want to be dominated
and controlled
You have not been given the power to
dominate others, even if you are their
parent.