Changing Faces

Changing Faces

What most married folks tell the 
world and what is really going 
on in their lives and marriages 
are usually two different things.
You will see a man singing 
the praise of his wife to the 
high heavens in front of friends 
and family during her birthday 
while lamenting to his best friend 
and close family members about 
the level of unhappiness and pain, 
he is going through. 
We all know this and 
must not play the ostrich when 
we hear that a couple is splitting 
up or that a partner is cheating 
or suffering through domestic abuse 
and other ills. We all strive to
present a smiling face to the public 
regardless of whatever it is we 
are going through within the four 
walls of our homes. This is 
not a Nigerian thing or a Christian 
thing, it is universal.

The popular defamation trial of two 
Nollywood stars currently ongoing 
attests to it. All of us are guilty 
of smiling to the camera even when 
what we really feel like doing 
is crying and running for the door.

A young lady wrote to me recently, 
she got married at 22. Her husband 
was 35 at the time and everybody 
expected him to be very mature in 
his dealings with her. It turned out 
he was one of those "you're 
spying on me", "Your parents are 
trying to bewitch me"kind of husband.
His paranoia crippled the relationship.
This lady ran home to her mother, 
complaining about the verbal and 
emotional abuse she was going through.
Her mother sent her back to her 
husband, asking her to endure it 
(Isn't that the message we all 
get from parents, pastors, relatives, 
and loved ones?). Then she got 
pregnant and everybody said 
"She will settle down now and adapt".

The abuse didn't stop and the 
pain in her heart deepened and 
yet she took Pictures with her 
husband when she had her baby 
and wrote a love note stating how 
loving and caring her husband is 
on Facebook. 
This is what is expected of married 
Keeping a unified front and covering 
each other's faults.
We all do it and we cannot 
in good conscience quote this 
lady's flowery write-up against her
now that she is seriously 
contemplating divorce.

Marriage is not for the faint-hearted, 
while some thrive in it others wilt 
and either. A young man wrote a 
beautiful birthday message for his 
wife during her birthday calling her 
Good and meaningful in his life.
Twenty-four hours later, he withdrew 
the children from school and relocated
with them to Thailand. Weeks before 
that he had published the obituary 
of his wife in a newspaper all in 
a bid to get visa for himself and 
the children. He claimed he was 
a widower.

I sat with this lady the day 
after she discovered her husband and 
three children had disappeared.
How do you think such a lady 
would feel? She almost ran mad.
Her husband claimed she was a witch 
and he had evidence of her witchcraft 
on tape. This lady would cook 
and eat the food alone (while 
the children watched) whenever her 
husband didn't give her enough 
for family upkeep. She was working 
as a marketer for a Korean franchise 
and she was making a lot of money 
yet, she never supported her husband 
throughout the ten years 
of their marriage. Her husband left 
video recordings on a flash with a 
note telling her the marriage is 
over and that she was dead to him.

I saw the video and I must 
admit this woman was a terrible wife 
and mother. Why didn't the husband 
write all these on the social media 
before taking the steps he took?
On their Instagram pages, they had 
lovely pictures that would convince 
anyone that they were the happiest 
couple in the world. If you really 
want to know the state of anybody's 
marriage please don't check their 
status on social media, talk to 
their close friends and relatives.

Not all men are the heroes 
their wives paint them to be and 
not all women are the pillars of 
support their husbands paint them 
to be. There is a reality within 
a home that is not open to 
the public. We must not lose 
sight of this.

I once worked with a man 
who was an incurable skirt chaser
I was his PA. His wife would 
call me to track his movement 
because he wouldn't pick her call 
and she knew he had side chicks 
all over the world. Their house 
was a war zone because the 
wife refused to take his antics 
lying low and yet when they go 
to events or a church programme.
They would take pictures with the 
brightest smiles money can buy.
They will take pictures holding on 
to each other like a python 
swallowing its prey but it was all 
for show. This is the real face 
of life and human reality.

It is the reason none of us 
can claim that we are honest and 
pure the way God is based on 
our own conducts. The fact that 
we are all good at keeping 
these public and private faces and 
Insist it is normal is proof enough 
that we don't know how to be 
honest in the true sense of it.
This is why nobody is Holy or 
righteous outside of The faith which 
Christ imputed in us when we gave 
our lives to him. Our only hope 
of redemption is Christ and outside 
of Him, there is no hope.

There is none that is righteous, 
no not one. When we come 
on social media and start commenting 
on social issues we all expose and 
condemn Ourselves. We are in 
no way better than the ones whose 
lives we place on a pedestal and 
judge so unwisely

• • •