Don't Lie to Yourself

“Above all, don't lie to yourself. The person who lies to himself or herself and listens to his or her own lie comes to a point that he or she cannot distinguish the truth within him or her, or around him or her, and so loses all respect for himself or herself and for others. And having no respect he or she ceases to love.”
 Fyodor Dostoevsky's, The Brothers Karamazov: there is nothing as frustrating to observe as the life of a Christian who is lying to himself or herself. Dressing up and attending church services on Sunday just so the pastor and other church members can see you in church and mark their register knowing you don't really know God but acting as if you do or joining a group in which you have to pretend to be something you are not and keep up appearances just to feel among. You know you are lying but optics is more important to you than being truthful to yourself. Met a brother who was "in love" with a lady who is twenty years older than him, he is in his twenties, he is an eligible bachelor at home and in the community. He knows he is not an eligible bachelor but he would join other bachelors in church and discuss coping with being single and tell everyone he is praying to find the right bride. Young ladies make passes at him, he pretends he has spartan self-discipline and is living a holy life. Everyone believed he was living with his aunt, nobody knew the aunt was his lover, a widow whose husband left some good money. A mother of three, whose three children are schooling abroad. He said he couldn't tell people she was his lover because of optics, he wanted to socialize with his peers so he had to lie to everybody that he came to Lagos for greener pastures and until things settle for him, he is living with his aunty. Then he began to believe the lie The "lover" told him her children would be returning home for Christmas and he would have to move out of the house for that duration He said she should just tell them he is a nephew from the village, he didn't want to leave because he was scared it might be a ploy from the aunty to send him out of her house. I asked him if he had any savings since he had been living with her for over three years, he said he has a good job but he used most of his money taking Aunty out to nice restaurants and fancy hotels and also on gifts. Aunty's love language is gifts so he had no savings, nothing for rainy days, no plans for being evicted or for moving out. He had somehow lied to himself and believed the lie too that Aunty loves him and cannot do without him. Well, the truth became obvious last week when "Aunty" threw him out of her house. She did it with a venom. He was walked out of the compound with only his clothes and shoes by the mobile police officers Aunty arranged for him. He had to leave his smart TV and game console behind because he had nowhere to take them to.

 When you lie to yourself, you will expect people to believe the lie and participate in the reality of the deception you are weaving but at a point, they will have to take the truth as they see it and walk away. A sister claimed she wanted to get married. She joined the singles group and pestered all the adults around her to please get her a good man who she could settle down with. People got to work, the single men in people's lives were nudged her way she found a fault in all of them. One was too fat, another was too thin, one was too old, and another was not rich enough. Eventually, she declared that she would prefer someone younger than her. This is a sister who takes offense when anyone she perceives as younger than her calls her by name or addresses her by her first name without adding the appropriate sign of respect. Someone who would be very angry if she was walking with a male friend and people greeted the male friend but didn't greet her.Someone very particular about being respected. How would she cope in the company of a younger man and the younger man's friends? When an Oldsmobile claims it is a Ferrari or says it can do what a Ferrari can do, you begin to ask yourself is someone not lying to himself or herself here? Sometimes someone will write to me and say "Brother Gbenga, why are things so difficult for me? I live a Holy Life and yet the devil is on my case. Do you live a Holy Life or do you live a religiously compliant lifestyle? Every believer is the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, it is not a result of how they dress or drink their water or the kind of lifestyle they make, it is a gift of God lest any man should boast! Paul was never holier than John Mark, neither was Peter holier than Demas.Salvation bequeathed upon all saints the same status of righteousness in Christ That "Holy Life" slogan was a religious expression which means "I am LIVING according to the rules and regulations set up by the leaders of the church he or she is attending" It is obviously not working if he or she is reaching out to me. Lying to yourself makes it difficult for you to know what the issue is and find a solution that works in good time, I sat with the brother and we had a long talk, at the end of it, he realized he had been making a fundamental mistake as it relates to his life choices which would require a bit of discipline in his spending. He adjusted and he was soon out of debt. It is God's desire that we prosper but you make it difficult for God to help you when you lie to yourself. I know a brother who traveled abroad with his family in search of a better life. He got there and started applying for jobs without any success, he was an engineer in Nigeria and he was determined to work only as an engineer abroad. He insisted that they could not start all over again and the labour market abroad would have to employ him as he was. His wife had been the only one working and paying the bills since 2013. The wife is tired because all he does is play video games and help the children with their homework. The more the wife complained about his lack of productivity, the more he withdrew. He said he would not do any menial work or any other job but engineering and he took his wife as an enemy for asking him to start somewhere and build his career upward until he got the job he desired. The wife worked day and night until she could no longer take it, she told him he had to work or she would stop working too. He reported her to his family in Nigeria, his family in Nigeria said she was using his luck and this is why she had completed her degree and still had a job abroad while their son is still searching for a job without any success. His mother and sister called her and warned her that whatever she might have used to tie their son, they would find the key and unlock him by the power of the Holy Spirit. The wife resigned in protest. She said they would all stay at home until they could no longer feed or pay their bills. This brother has lied to himself and he has believed the lies too. 

I also met a brother who said God has called him into ministry, he does not know when to start or how to start. But he was very convinced that God told him not to work. God told you not to work and yet he did not tell you what to do in his vineyard as a minister? So what do you do at the moment? Sit at home and watch TV, pray a bit and read the Bible a bit while waiting for the word of God to come to pass. How long have you been waiting for that word without working? He said twelve years! It is not good to lie to yourself. When you do, it is possible for you to believe your own lies and it will then colour your decision-making and debar you from moving forward in life. You owe yourself a debt of truth, be truthful to yourself! A lady came to meet me somewhere in Nigeria for prayers for her partner. They came in the evening, the next morning, she was back with another man, this time she introduced this one as her husband. I was shocked I later asked her how she could have a boyfriend and a husband. She said her husband knew about it and he did not mind at all, it was a polyamorous union. I asked if her husband had any other woman in his life, she said no. She is the jealous type and cannot tolerate her husband or boyfriend with another woman in their lives. Three months later, her husband left with the children for Canada, she called me and asked me to pray with her that God would frustrate him and bring them back to Nigeria. Her lover soon left her to get married to a lady he had been seeing for four years without her knowledge. She said neither of them gave her any indication that they were not with her in their polyamorous union. I told her it is a bad thing to lie to yourself. Once you start lying to yourself, you will become a victim of your lies, you create a bubble or an echo chamber of reality in which you participate under the assumption that others are in that bubble with you until one day it will become obvious that you have been living in a lie all along. One thing the Holy Spirit taught me is that as a human being, you can always reinvent yourself with the truth. You can become a better version of yourself with the help of the Spirit of God and become a character that is stronger than the flawed one you used to be before you met the Lord. All you have to do is find a place to be alone with the Lord and tell him the truth, say something like "Lord, I have been lying to myself and you, I have convinced myself of a lot of things and they are not true I am here to tell you the whole truth sir, to empty myself before you I am asking you to help me get better, to help me make sense of my misdeeds, then go ahead and talk to the Lord..." It is never too late to get things right once you are completely open and honest with the Lord he sorts out realities excellently and he leaves no cracks!