FRAGILE HEARTS, GRACE-FILLED HEARTS

The hearts of pastors are broken far too often- they cry over children they didn't give birth to in the flesh and lament over situations that naturally shouldn't concern them.

A fragile heart is the fabric that a good pastor is hewn from, a stern heart is where his love pours from. He is sent to gather the rabid and the blemished, to show them Christ in deed and to love them unconditionally; this is the hardest job in the whole world.

The tears of pastors can fill many oceans, nobody sees them or comforts them, they cry and then they love some more. What a job! It is one of the reasons I quit being one even though at heart I see myself as one but I choose to keep my heart from breaking that often daily yet my heart is broken again.

Sometime ago, I met this 24-year-old girl at the reception of a hotel, she saw me seated alone and came to chat me up. I was shocked, she looked 17 or 18, so young, so unprepared for the world and its wicked ways. I listened to her as she tried to be friends.

I have been around for a long time; I knew she was "hustling" hoping to get some money from me in exchange for sexual favours.

I asked her if she was educated and she said yes.

Where? I asked.  "Auchi Poly" she said.

What did you study?

"Mass Communication" she replied.

Then I said, "Why are you not working?"

She said, "The salary they are offering is what some babies make here in a night, I have a mother in the village, I have school fees to pay for my siblings, my father is dead and I am the first child. What will a salary of 60,000 a month do for me?"

I said, "I started with a 30,000 Naira salary and I also studied Mass Communication. My older sister studied Mass communication too and she started with a 10,000 Naira salary with Champions Newspaper, her salary was not regular at the time but she went for assignments and grew on the job. My wife started with an 18,000 Naira salary and she is a global brand today. Don't be in a hurry to throw your future away; this venture you have gotten yourself into is too risky. You never know the sort of men you will meet and what their intentions may be.”

She looked at me intently for a while and nodded, then she said, "I learnt sewing but I don't have the funds to set up." I asked her where she was living, and she said Ikorodu.

I asked if she was staying with family or alone, and she said she was staying with friends. I said OKAY and called a brother I worked with in my former church immediately; I asked if he was still in Ikorodu and he said yes. I told him I would like him to help rent an apartment. He made some calls and got back to me within an hour.

He said he had some church members who were also looking for an accommodation so he chose a three-bedroom flat to accommodate all of them. Without any hesitation, I paid, I also got a shop and set it up close to the house, then I got her a job too with an outdoor media firm located in Ikorodu.

I advised her to keep her head down and be hard working, I saw a great future for her and I was determined to ensure she fulfils her destiny. All these took two months to achieve. By herself she came to me with her mother and said she would like to give her life to Christ. I prayed with her, she got filled with the Holy Spirit and started attending the church of the Pastor who helped her get an apartment in Ikorodu. She joined the ushering department. My job was done.

Once in a while she would reach out to say hello, sometimes to ask for some money to meet some urgent needs.

Yesterday I got invited to minister at Lekki, I left home early for Lagos as I had an appointment with a family somewhere in Ikeja. I got to the location of the meeting and saw some white guys going into the elevator with some Nigerian girls.

Guess who I saw kissing a white old man when my elevator got to the sixth floor (They were waiting to take the same elevator down) Guess pls... when she saw me, she went on her knees, “Good morning, sir” she said. I told her to stand up and greeted her companion warmly. She wanted to stay and talk but I said, "I am here for a meeting, we will talk later, have a nice day" They went into the elevator and I shook my head. I took it away from my heart immediately.

This morning, however, I saw her message on WhatsApp. She said "Good morning, sir, I just wanted to say hello and apologise for yesterday, God bless you sir."

I have not replied, I don't know what to say, I don't know why I felt hurt But I do. I really do. I don't want to be a pastor again (I am feeling like one right now) Maybe I should become a football coach or a referee or just remind myself that Jesus cried blood for me too and it took me time to get it. I think I'd settle for the latter. I would remind myself that I was rotten to the core once but grace kept giving until I got it. I still feel hurt. It is well.

-GSW-