Half Bread

Half Bread 

The first thing that came to her mind
was to pack her baggage and leave
The marriage had suddenly gone bitter
The more her discontent grew, the more she wanted to walk away
She couldn't tell how or why
Something had just gone wrong somewhere 
Her husband wasn't cheating
Perhaps if he cheated she would have gotten it
Not that she would ever consider being married to a cheat
But sometimes a sinner is easier to cope 
with than Mr. HOLINESS personified!
Her husband is Mr. DO Not Sin!
He was so scared of sin that he would pray a prayer 
of forgiveness after making love to her
He saw sex as carnality and engaging in it as carnal pleasure
They were both virgins when they got married
They were both believers
She thought his reluctance to make love often was because he was shy
She thought he would snap out of it
He didn't!
He did a time table for sex
They are to have sex on any one of Mondays, 
Wednesdays and Saturdays
He fasted on Tuesdays and Thursday and Sunday 
is for church service
On any of the days that were left open for love making
She was required to hint him that she was interested in humping earlier in the day
So that he can prepare his mind and work towards it
He doesn't do spontaneous stuff
No role playing for him
No oral nonsense for him
No fantasising and creativity 
He didn't even seem to want to marry
Or perhaps he assumed she was a zombie like him because 
of how she comported herself
It was a religious garb!
The turban and the parachute dresses were to comply with the 
religious demands of the church
In her bedroom she wanted to be real
Religion was for the world to see and identify them for who they are
The bedroom was for the husband and wife to be 
naked with each other without shame
She had many things she wanted to be done to her on the bed
She had many things she wanted to do to him
It is true that they a bit out of the box
But she wanted to do them
So she braved up one day and told him 
I want to travel from here and come out here
He looked at her as if she had grown horns
The look in his eyes was enough to tell her she 
had crossed the boundary between heaven and hell
He went into a sudden fast after that day
He said the fast was to purify his mind of the things she said
How could somebody be that stiff?
All the sex they ever had was "proper" sex
He would sometimes close his eyes when making love to her
He was tender and careful and passionate
He spends a very long time in the honey pot
He was big enough and all the rest
But how could someone so endowed be so boring
It was like wasting his talent or underutilizing his gifts
She knew he could so much better
If only she could flex his narrow mind!
Apart from the bed room he tried to be a good man
He was supportive, caring, responsible and godly
He was the kind of man you can leave in the company of 
naked ladies and trust to die rather than stray
One of his colleagues in the office once invited 
him to a bachelor's eve at a club
She encouraged him to go hoping his eyes would be 
open to see another shade of life
When her husband saw whatever he saw there
He went to the car park and slept in his car till morning 
because he didn't know how to drive at night
When he got home the next morning and told her with disgust the things she saw
She knew he was a lost cause
He wouldn't change!
She would either have to leave him or cheat on him to 
satisfy her desire for exploration and experimentation
She would have gladly cheated
But she hadn't gotten the opportunity at all 
Guys don't see her like that kind of girl and 
she doesn't know how to change that impression without 
betraying her religious convictions
She had to draw the line at making a ridicule of 
her faith because of sex
She went to a respected elderly married woman in church
She told him her issues
Her husband is denying her satisfaction in bed
He refused to use a condom and therefore they have sex for only one round
As a form of birth control he was exceptionally good at withdrawal method
But he wouldn't do a second round because there might be semen residue 
in him and he wouldn't risk getting her pregnant
The one round lasts between 25 to 30 minutes
It is usually intense with her on top of him until she got tired and 
then he would take her from the top or from the back 
She gives him cues and he would do whatever she says till she comes
She comes an average of 70% of the time when they make love
But he wouldn't do a second round
He would say second and third round is for "five minutes men"
He wouldn't do oral except suck and tease her breast
He wouldn't allow her to do oral on him because she had to go 
and spit (She cannot swallow semen) afterwards 
and the time gap would douse the passion
She wanted more
She wanted him to do doggy style and wickedly pull her hair from the back
She wanted him to spank her until her cheeks her red
She wanted to try anal, even if just for once in a while
She wanted head, she wanted as many rounds as possible
They have two children and they have been married for six years
She was sexually frustrated and it was driving her crazy!
He had to change or she would pack out of the house!
The elderly woman listened intently and promised to intervene
The following week the elderly woman gave her the phone 
number of a sex therapist who would help them
The therapist was the first daughter of the elderly woman
She called the sex therapist on the phone and discussed with her
She told her husband of the development
Her husband got angry, How was he supposed to be 
discussing his sex life with a stranger?
A woman for that matter!
She told the elderly Christian lady
The lady called her husband, assured him it was for the best
He husband agreed!
The therapist said she would work with her husband 
first and then the two of them together
She was very fine with it
She didn't notice the changes in her husband at first
They were very subtle
He husband started complaining about their church
"The church is so dull and colourless"
"The spirit of the Lord is not moving enough"
"Why was the sermon so dull and lifeless"
"Why was she always dressed like a village woman"
Then the changes became very glaring
Then her husband started driving late at night
He would arrive home at 11PM, sometimes 1AM
He would claim he was hypnotized in therapy or 
he was dealing with some suppressed issues
Sex between them practically became non-existent 
When she called the therapist, she was told to give him some time
He was still adjusting to treatment
Within six months, her husband moved out of the house
He just went to work one day and didn't return
When she called his number, he was very antagonistic, very angry
She eventually found out he had moved in with the the therapist
She ran to the elderly lady in church
Elderly lady told her to be patient, her husband was being 
reconditioned and it takes time
She couldn't believe it
Her husband was being reconditioned?
Do they think she was foolish?
The lady's daughter had practically snatched her husband!
She ran to the pastor
The pastor called a meeting 
Her husband didn't show up, the lady didn't show up, 
the lady's mother stopped coming to church
The pastor tried to assist her
They drove to the lady's house several times
Eventually, the pastor gave her some scriptures and prayer points
She was left alone to fight her battle
She fasted and prayed and cried
The funny thing was, her husband kept crediting her account 
with all the fund she needed to cater for the family
He would do video calls with the children and discharge his responsibilities
She was the only one losing out in the equation
Half bread is better than none!
She wanted her half bread back!
Whenever she calls him or sent him a message asking him to come back home
He would say "But you said you wanted to leave 
and now I have left, why are you complaining"
One day she contacted the Brother in Jeans and T-shirt
She told him everything
"I want my husband back" she cried 
The Brother in Jeans and T-shirt collected the husband's phone numnber
The husband agreed to meet the brother in Jeans and T-shirt at the mall
The meeting was set for 1PM
The Brother in Jeans and T-shirt woke up that morning and 
prayed in tongues until he got to the meeting
They met, they shook hands, the Brother in Jeans and T-shirt said 
"Sir, the Lord said I should hold your hand for five minutes
He said he will flood your body with virtue"
The husband agreed, the Brother in Jeans and T-shirt held the brother's hand
They talked about God and faith and walking with the Holy Spirit
The husband's face began to shine
The husband began to speak in tongues
They parted ways
The meeting lasted for thirty minutes!
The brother in Jeans and T-shirt called the wife
"Your husband is coming home soon"
Two days later, her husband returned home
He said his conscience was stirred and he lost his peace, he had to return home!
His exile lasted eleven months
His wife was most grateful she got him back
All her complaints bacame a thing of the past!

PS: I laugh everytime I remember this case
It is an all time "laugh till water comes out of your eyes story"
It happened in Lagos in 2018
Sometimes we are so fixated on a self created problem that we 
draw real problems to ourselves in the process
Sometimes we chase imaginary ghosts until they become real
Our bedrooms shouldn't lack adventure as couples
Our sensitivity as spouses should also be checked
Moderation is key!
The zombie you think you married have feelings too
If you push him or her too far, you might just push him 
or her off the cliff
Be wise!
Don't ever make the mistake of going the route of logic 
when dealing with a spiritual being who had gone astray
There is a spiritual language such would get better
It is often provoked by power
When iron meets Iron, the dross will fly away
Hope you got the message!