Honey Badger

Honey Badger

Telling someone you have been in love 
with that the relationship is over is 
a big deal
It sometimes eats you up from the inside, 
especially if the person is a good person 
who loves you with all of his or her heart
How do you even say it?
What words do you use?
What excuse?
It is easier to wish it away
To hope that the person will find love 
with someone else and be the one to 
break up with you or perhaps to relocate 
for studies, work, or whatever
It is even worse if you have met somebody 
else and you find yourself "double-dating" 
unintentionally because while you have 
moved on, he or she still sees you as the 
center of their world
You look for mistakes, you get angry with 
such easily, ignore their phone calls, 
deliberately refuse to reply their messages, 
become curt, impolite, and sometimes rude
You hurt while you're doing this 
but you know such a person deserves better
Sometimes you tell a mutual friend to help 
you break the news and you hope your partner 
will take it well and not see you as the 
devil
You mount your defenses
You cry and wish you could disappear
Why is it so hard to be happy in this world 
Walking out of emotionally intense 
relationships is such a gut-wrenching deal
It is easier if it was just a casual, 
physical fling
It is easier if it was just sex
Emotions are tricky things, you never know 
how far you're gone until you find your 
legs shaking and your eyes teary 
all because your relationship with someone 
is facing a sudden death
When it comes to a marriage, the energy 
is different
You're committed and you even took a vow to 
that effect but if the man turns out to be 
a burden or the woman turns out to be a 
disaster
You begin to consider 
walking away carefully
If children were involved, if the church
is involved and so many other factors
She wished she had walked away from the 
relationship before they got married
She wanted to on many occasions but she 
developed cold feet for many reasons
She met him while she was on Industrial 
training
He was already working with the organization 
and she felt he was the right age for her 
to move on to the next phase of her with
She had never really been in any serious 
relationship before then
He was kind, attentive and generous
She really felt he was 
the one when he asked her out but then...
Other guys came along after her IT
They were richer and they offered far 
juicier prospects
She wanted to walk away at that time but 
what if...
What if these new guys just wanted to 
take advantage of her?
What if she was just being selfish 
and reckless?
She went out with some of the prospects 
secretly and discovered that for all their 
sweet tongues and sudden attention, all 
they wanted was the honey
After three of such misadventures, she 
told herself it was best to stay with him
He was constant, consistent and his 
love was genuine
She wanted more out of life
It seems to her as if he was okay with 
salary and living in a flat somewhere
Perhaps she was just being childish and 
adventurous
He was offering what every girl desires 
but she didn't want her life to peter out 
after getting married 
Even though he was working at the time and 
she was studying, she still felt he was 
too limited in his understanding of life 
to cope with her
Yet she didn't want to get to her planned 
destination alone
She wanted the security of a relationship, 
she wanted a home
She graduated and got a job
She did her masters and even traveled abroad 
for her MBA
She would have walked away if she met 
another person, anybody who matched her 
energy but sadly, there was none
Like a faithful dog, he waited
She returned home and married him after nine 
years of relationship 
She started earning way more than him
Even when she was pregnant with their 
children, she often wondered if he was aware 
that she was not really settled in her 
spirit as his wife
She wanted him to run, to grab opportunities, 
to aspire to become more than a grade by 
grade civil servant
No matter how she said it directly or 
indirectly, he wasn't moved
Like a snail or a tortoise, his pace in life 
was far from what her Ferrari could embrace
She had her children in the USA
(She sponsored the trips)
He loves her and would say yes to whatever 
she demanded
She hated that too
He was too much of a yes man
She cheated on him a few times, he didn't 
even notice or perhaps he deliberately 
ignored the signs
Even when she left clues here and there to 
provoke him, hoping he would divorce her 
or do something
He kept mum
Eventually, she made up 
her mind and relocated abroad with the 
children
She told him her plans after it had been 
concluded
She didn't think it mattered to him that 
much
He agreed and they made plans to work on 
his papers and get him to join them as 
soon as possible
She knew the marriage was over
She was 
done
She expected time and distance to take 
care of the rest
It was better than telling him it was over 
and having to fight over custody and 
other things
It had always been difficult for her to 
close out relationships with words
One year after she and her children arrived 
in the USA
She heard that his uncle was made an 
ambassador
A few weeks later, he sent her a message 
that he would be coming over as part of 
his uncle's diplomatic entourage
They had been communicating and things 
were going according to plan
The calls were becoming less frequent and 
the marriage dying a natural death
She replied him saying "I think we both 
know this marriage is over. 
You have access to your children anytime 
you want but I want more out of life than 
this"
He didn't reply
He also didn't bother visiting as he earlier 
intended
He called her once 
in a while but kept in touch with the children
She was in New York
He was in Washington
She was living in a basement apartment, doing 
three jobs a day to cope with bills and all
She didn't bother asking him for anything, 
she just needed to brush up her CV and do 
some courses that will enable her use her 
certificate to get a better job
He invited the children over to his house 
for Christmas in 2021
She decided to take them
She got to his mansion and discovered that 
he was more than comfortable
He was working with a tech firm, earning so 
much and living well
It was as if she walked into her dream life 
in real life
He was still his modest self
Easy talking, not taking anything as important 
as he should
Not once did he tell her how rich he was or 
even use his means to try and take the children 
or contest her decision to dump him 
She spent a week in his house
She stayed in a room
The children had their own rooms, they had a 
butler and a housekeeper
After the third day, she summoned the courage 
to have a chat with him
He was friendly, respectful but distant
It was understandable, given the circumstances 
After the week, she asked if he would rather 
have the children since he has the means to 
take care of them
He said okay
She returned to New York and started praying
She wanted her husband back but she does not 
know how to reach him anymore...

To be continued...