Job Chronicles (Final Part)

Job Chronicles (Final Part)

I spoke to my former principal again 
and she connected me with some 
private schools but they all told me 
they did not offer scholarships to 
indigent students. 
As luck would have it, a member of 
my fellowship told me he was a 
marketer at Caleb and Caleb was
 conducting entrance exams for JS1, 
Js2, and SS1 students., and would 
offer merit scholarships to the top 
3 students in the exam in all 3 classes. 
However, the entrance forms cost 
N10000 each, and I couldn’t afford it. 
But the following week, he told me 
he could give me a sizeable number 
of the forms for free. 
I took the forms and distributed them 
at two other public schools and 
Ikosi high school (HIS) and told them 
the top 3 students in the exam would 
get scholarships to the school. 
I asked the principal of IHS to give 
me the names of the top 20 or 25 
students in the junior WAEC so I 
could teach them in preparation 
for the entrance exam at Caleb. 
The principal contacted the students 
who were excited at the prospect of 
attending a much better school, 
fully funded. 
The school was on their long holiday 
and I taught the students both math 
and English from about 9 am to 3 or 
4 pm every weekday for 3-4 weeks 
until the eve of the exam. 
On the day of the exam, I was present 
at Caleb with the students and I felt 
like a very proud mother at the thought 
that up to 3 of the students I taught 
could get a much better education 
and exposure if they won the scholarship. 
It had been a while since I had that 
feeling of being proud of one’s 
While the students were writing the exam, 
the principal was addressing their parents 
and guardians including me and someone 
asked about the scholarship given to the 
top 3 students in the exam. 
The principal gave a very dodgy answer 
and that was my first inkling that 
something was wrong. 
I asked if the names and grades of 
the students would be publicly released 
so everyone could see the top 3 students 
who qualified for the scholarship and 
again her response was funny. 
Anyway, a few weeks later, all my 
students were offered admission but 
there was no talk of scholarships. 
I asked my fellowship member about it 
and he said scholarships were not 
awarded to anyone and he was sorry 
about misleading me. I felt very bad 
because the students were at peace 
with their lives until I offered them 
hope for a better education only for 
that hope to be dashed. 
I felt really ashamed and unable to 
face the students and answer their 
questions about the scholarship 
so I just never contacted them 
again and decided to drop my plans 
of getting scholarships for indigent, 
public school students to private 
Imagine my surprise and regret a 
few months ago when I saw the 
founder of the slum 2 school organization 
talk about how he got scholarships 
for 3 makoko students into a very 
good private school at Abuja. 
I actually cried tears of regret because 
someone was successfully executing 
an idea I had 8 years ago but gave up 
on just because things didn’t work out 
as I expected. 
In retrospect, I should have done my 
due diligence properly to ensure that 
Caleb was actually going to offer 
scholarships before making them invest 
time, effort, and money all for nothing.
My next job was my on-campus job at 
UMD and there was only one memorable 
thing that happened. 
One of my work colleagues and classmates 
never used deodorant cuz it was against 
his religion and he smelled bad. 
My friends and I at work complained 
about it amongst ourselves but never to 
him or the supervisor. 
And then one day, one of my colleagues 
decided she was going to tell the 
supervisor about it. 
I didn’t believe her but she actually 
went ahead to complain to the supervisor 
that his unpleasant smell was creating 
an unpleasant work environment for her 
and other colleagues. 
And you guys, the supervisor called the 
guy aside during work hours when we 
were all present and took him to the front 
of the office where we could all see her 
discussing the issue with him. 
I felt bad for the guy because I’m sure 
he was wondering who amongst us 
was the judas who betrayed him to 
the supervisor. 
The admonition worked though because 
he started to wear fragrance and stopped 
My next job was my internship role but 
nothing remarkable happened there. 
This was followed by my job at Arista 
but that’s an entire series on its own
 so I’ll just skip to my first job after I 
returned to Nigeria.
I have mentioned a few times here 
that I was severely depressed and that 
was the major reason I returned to Nigeria. 
In July 2018, my uncle helped me get 
a contract position at a bank as a 
software test engineer through his friend. 
I was still depressed at the time but 
I could function properly a little bit. 
My parents got me a driver who drove 
me to work and back. 
But most days, it was a struggle to 
wake up. 
My mum usually had to wake me up 
3 -5 days every day before I was able 
to get up from the bed and I went to 
work a few times without bathing 
because I was late for work. 
My supervisor at work was pretty cool. 
We got along well and found out we 
attended the same church. 
On a few occasions at work, I would 
feel so tired and fatigued and would 
go sleep in the toilet for 1 or 2 hours. 
And then on a Thursday morning, only 
a month after resuming, I decided I 
wasn’t going to work. 
My supervisor was on leave at the time. 
I knew my decision to skip work would 
have dire consequences but I just 
couldn’t be bothered. 
I did not send an email or call or text anyone 
about this decision to skip work when 
I could have easily just called in sick. 
It was just one of those days. 
Meanwhile, my uncle had connected 
me with the CISO of the bank and I was 
scheduled for an interview for a full-time 
software tester role at the same bank 
for the following day, Friday. 
I showed up at work on Friday morning, 
dropped my bag on my desk, and 
attended the interview thinking we 
would be done on time but the 
interviews did not end until about 
4.00 pm. I returned to work and 
was told another contract tester 
had been looking for me. 
I just knew it my heart that I was 
going to get fired.
 I Went up to meet with her and just 
as I feared, she told me my contract 
was terminated because a man, 
who was also on the full-time job 
interview panel had complained to 
the guy who hired me on contract. 
I went to meet the man and begged 
him to let me stay on even if I wasn’t 
paid cuz I wasn’t well and needed to 
get busy but he assured me that I 
would be given the full-time role. 
I told my mum about being fired and 
she came to my office to speak with 
the man reiterating my point about 
not being well and pleading with him 
to give me a second chance but the 
man kept assuring her that I would 
be hired for the full-time job. 

Yeah right! 
You asked me to be fired from the 
contract role but you expect me to 
believe you would recommend me 
to be hired for the full-time role. 
When I’m not stupid. 

Anyway, I am still waiting for them to 
call me and hire me for the full -time job. 
This happened at the end of July 2018 
and for the next 5 months, I Was jobless. 
I used to go with my mum to her office 
during the week and mostly just read 
and tried to learn new things. 
By December 2018, about 5 months later, 
I was well and my depression was 
completely gone and I have been fine 
ever since. 
Somebody should hallelujah! 

GSW: Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By January 2019, another uncle helped 
me get an interview with a friend of his 
who owned an IT company (See why I 
said my mum’s siblings are amazing).
I attended the interview during which 
the man told me he could see from my 
resume that I schooled and lived in the 
US for a little while and how he also 
schooled and lived in the US for over 
20 years and was, In fact, a US citizen! 

In my mind, I was like “wuzz my own 
He told me the role was going to be an 
internship and I would be paid N75,000! 
Ahmean, I didn’t even earn N75,000 
during my first post-NYSC job and here 
I Was being offered that small money 
after masters and silicon valley work 
experience but my uncle told me to 
accept the offer because being busy 
was good for my mental well-being and 
I shouldn’t consider the money. 
Thankfully, I had other sources of income. 
I resumed at work, and on the first day 
during orientation, I was informed that I 
would be put on a roaster alongside the 
other staff, except the supervisor, to 
wash the boss’s plate. 
I was flabbergasted, to say the least. 
Plate that I didn’t even wash during IT 
and NYSC I would now be washing at 
age 32. 
I wanted to offer to get a cleaner for 
N10,000 out of my N75k pay to be 
washing the plate cuz it was demeaning 
but I knew he would flare up and call 
me proud so I didn’t say anything. 
When it was my week to wash the plates, 
I used to console myself with this 
statement whenever I was washing the 
plates “well, Joseph too was  
washing plate in Potiphar's house and
 inside prison so who am I that I can’t 
wash plate? And he wasn’t even to 
blame for his own predicament while I 
was fully responsible for my situation”.
That was when I truly understood the 
bible verse that says “David encouraged 
himself in the Lord” because saying 
those things to myself helped me laugh 
about the washing plates and gave me 
But I was too embarrassed to tell anyone 
else about it. 
I never told my parents, siblings, or 
friends cuz it was just too humiliating. 
It was only late last year I shared this 
with some friends and gisted another 
friend about it who told me I need to 
create a blog to share my stories cuz 
it was hilarious! 
And it was even this washing plate 
experience that made me start this
 #toyeensjobchronicles series sef. 
In the time that I was there, I had 5 
run-ins with the boss and I would just 
run through them quickly. 
In the first one, I was shown how to 
open the office using the access-code 
security system but I wasn’t shown 
how to lock it. 
And one day, I was the last person 
at the office, and I ended up spoiling 
the door while trying to lock it. 
This happened just a day or 2 after 
I resumed oh. Anyway, I told the 
supervisor I had accidentally spoilt 
the door. 
The boss, whom we called YA as 
requested by him, came into the office 
and started shouting who the 
F* spoilt the door? (he was always 
using the F word). 
I told him it was me, oh and it was 
an accident for which I was very sorry. 
He shouted on me some more and 
stormed to his office. 

The next issue had to do with drinking 
Back when I was at arista if you saw 
coffee in the coffee maker in the kitchen, 
you drank it and when the coffee pot 
was empty, whoever wanted to drink 
next would make another batch of 
I was shown how to make coffee with 
the coffee maker after I joined and I 
just assumed I could drink coffee I 
found in the coffee pot just like Arista. 
How wrong I was! 

That's how as I was drinking the coffee, 
YA came out of the kitchenette and 
started screaming “who the F drank 
my coffee”? I confessed that it was me 
and I wrongly assumed that I could
 drink it and I was sorry. 
He kept shouting that how could he 
be making for me to drink and I just 
kept on looking like zombie. 

You guys would not believe that the 
following day, he said to me “Toyeen 
I’ve made coffee and you can have 
some if you want”. 
I was shocked, I can’t even lie. 

The third issue happened when someone 
came to see him and I let him into the 
office cuz I was the only one in the office. 
I asked for his name and he told me 
-let’s just call him goat. 
I went to YA and told him goat was 
looking for him and he asked me to usher 
goat to his office. 
After goat left, YA called me into the office 
and started shouting on me that how
 could I call the man goat and how I 
was supposed to call him Mr. goat. 
Again, I apologized as per standard 
procedure and said I wouldn’t do it again.

In the fourth drama, he called me from 
his office and I answered “yes” and went 
into his office. 
YA started shouting again that how can 
I be responding with Yes and how I was 
supposed to say yes sir! 
Ahmean you would expect that you could 
respond with yes to someone who asked 
you to call him only by his initials abi? 
Our office was split into 3 rooms – his 
private office, a conference room, a large 
room where the rest of the staff stayed 
and the kitchenette. 
He came out of his office, sat in the same 
room with us, and called me to his desk. 
I went and stood in front of me and he 
asked me how old I was in the presence 
of all the other staff. 
As I wasn’t ashamed of my age, I told 
him I was 32 years old and he started 
shouting again that he was turning 60 
that year and old enough to be my 
father yet I was responding to his 
call with “yes” and how I was very rude. 
Again, I apologized and said I did it in error. 
I thought that somebody who lived in 
the US for over 20 years and was even a 
US citizen would be very informal and 
lax with respect as they are in the US 
but I guess his Yoruba blood trumped 
his American blood. 
Anyway, the 5th clash was the straw 
that broke the camel’s back.
 Two vendors came to pitch their product 
to us and YA asked all the staff including 
me to attend the presentation in the 
conference room and said he would 
join us shortly. 
After about 5 or 10 mins, the vendors 
wanted to start and said YA could join 
us later, and the supervisor agreed. 
I reminded them about YA’s decision 
to join us later and went back to my 
desk to pick up my phone. 
I saw YA sitting at his desk and asked 
him if we could go ahead and start 
without him and he exploded like 
a volcano. 
He began screaming about how I 
am too forward and how could I start 
when I don’t even know what the 
presentation is about and how I 
wasn’t the one who brought them 
and on and on he went to the hearing 
of the other staff and the vendors. 
But this time around, I did not apologize 
as I had had it up to my throat. 
I went back to the conference room 
and sulked throughout. 
After the vendors left, he came to 
my desk and said “Toyeen why are 
you always doing stupid things”. 
I couldn’t take it anymore and I 
retorted sharply that it wasn’t my fault 
I was only asking on behalf of the 
vendors and the supervisor who 
wanted to start and was only confirming 
from him if it was ok to start or not. 
He now calmed down and said ehn next 
time I should have confirmed first
 before “being” but I didn’t even respond. 
That day, I felt really bad and cried even. 
Something I've never done before at work. 
I spoke to one of my friends about it.
At the end of that month, I received an 
alert of my N75,000 salary and paid my 
tithe and gave my parents their share. 
While making the transactions, a mail 
came in from YA and the gist of the 
email was that I was fired. 
Haa! Fired bawo? What did I do? 
Fired twice in less than a year. 
By this time, he was leaving the office 
and I wasn’t able to speak with him. 
At COB, the supervisor walked to my 
desk and asked me to submit my 
laptop, and every other thing I was given. 
I asked if he knew why I was fired but 
he did not know and since YA is 
temperamental, he couldn’t ask and 
risk being scolded. 
HE was as surprised as I was when 
YA asked him to dispossess me of all 
my laptop and other office materials. 
I came in the following day, Friday, 
hoping to find out what exactly I did 
that got me fired but he wasn’t in. I
 told my uncle who helped me get 
the job and he offered to speak with 
him when they met that Sunday. 
I couldn’t tell my parents I had been 
fired again so throughout the following 
week I continued leaving the house 
for work in the morning and would sit at 
the canteen in my office building until 
4 pm and go back home. 
One day, a woman at the canteen came 
to meet me while I was sleeping asking 
if I was ok because her brother, the 
owner of the canteen, was concerned 
about me staying the whole day at the 
canteen and sent her to speak to me 
as per fellow woman. 
I informed her that I was fine and was 
recently fired but couldn’t muster the 
courage to tell my parents so I kept 
leaving the house every day like I 
was still employed.
My uncle called me saying he spoke 
with YA and YA complained that I 
was very rude and blah blah blah. 
My uncle explained to him that I was 
depressed and needed a job to keep busy. 
YA responded with “ehn ehn! I knew 
there was something wrong with her”. 
Yea right. 
Anyway, I had to stop pretending to 
go to work and told my parents that 
I was fired again and just as I expected, 
there weren’t happy about it. 
I was let go on the last day of February 2018. 
The church i attend has a discipleship 
program that ran from 100 to 400 level. 
I took the 400 level program the 
previous year but did not graduate 
because I didn’t do a number of my 
assignments and did not meet the 
requirement for graduation so I began 
retaking the class in January or 
February 2019. 
On the last Saturday of March, in the 
morning on my way to my 400 level 
class I just prayed to God casually 
that I wanted him to give me a job 
in April which was only 2 days away. 
I did not think too much of the prayer 
and went for my class. 
At the end of my class, I saw my 
first DJL boss who was the program 
coordinator and had being for years 
but I never spoke to him throughout 
the previous year when I took the 
class and when I was retaking it. 
But that day, I kept arguing with 
myself whether to say hi or not and 
decided to say hi. He was surprised 
to see me and still assumed I was 
in the US. He asked what I was doing a
nd I said I wasn’t working. 
“I didn’t ask if you were working or not, 
I asked what you were doing he said”.
I told him I was taking some oracle 
certifications (YA offered to leave the 
portal open for me to keep taking the 
certification exams since he wouldn’t 
let me return to work for him). 
My former boss asked me what type 
of job I was interested in and I told 
him a software engineering role since 
that was my most recent experience. 
He mulled over this for a while and 
said he had a business process 
consulting job similar to what I did at 
DJL coming up and asked if I was 
Of course, I said I was interested. 
The two roles he was hiring for were 
an associate consultant and senior 
consultant and asked me which 
one I thought I could handle 
I know most of you are aspire to 
perspire can-do attitude people and 
would have chosen the higher role 
but I did not want to disappoint 
him or myself and chose the associate 
consulting role. 
He then asked how much I was expecting 
and I said the first amount that came to 
mind. It wasn’t much based on educational 
background and work experience 
but it sure beats the 75k I was earning 
at my lost job. he said he could afford t
o pay the amount and I mentally kicked 
myself in the head for not asking for more.
That was the day the quote “be careful 
what you wish for cuz you just might get it” 
made sense to me. 
We exchanged contact details and he said 
he would call me later to have an informal 
chat but for the most part, the job was 
mine if I wanted it. 
I thanked him and was shaking after I 
left him as I walked to my car and drove home. 
Ahmean just that morning I prayed to get 
a job super casually and off-handedly 
I might add and barely 2 hours later I 
was offered one. 
I got home still shaking and narrated the 
story to my parents. 
They were so happy and my daddy even 
burst out in a praise song. 
I then apologized for everything I put 
them through during my depression 
ordeal but they brushed it off and said 
that was in the past and all was forgiven 
and we needed to move forward. 
That statement really touched me, 
to be honest. I just want to say that 
being a parent just like being married 
teaches you forgiveness. 
Anyway, my ex-boss called me that night 
and asked when I could resume and I 
said May 2nd. 
He went on to schedule an interview 
with him and the HR which was a breeze 
and I was given an acceptance letter 
with a little more than the amount I 
asked for oh! 
Turns out being fired by YA was a blessing 
in disguise!
The End.


Firecracker Toyeen
Instagram: @firecracker_toyeen
Twitter: @firecrackertoyn