Kill Gossip

Kill Gossip 

I remember a few years ago when I found myself surrounded by many single folks who were of marriageable age but were not getting married. 

It was a puzzle to me I had assumed that marriages would be happening naturally It didn't happen, People desire to get married but most prefer that their relationship remain private until such a time that they are sure it is healthy to announce their desire to get married. If the relationship does not work out, they do not want it to be everybody's business because when a relationship fails, both parties tend to then have to explain to those who know about it why it failed. In explaining, they will have to say some things they know about each other which may not be too flattering just to justify their reason for not going ahead with the relationship. People note such things If someone they know takes an interest in the same person tomorrow and asks them if the lady or gentleman is single and available, they will then say "He or she used to date so and so and this was what we heard" which then colours the opinion of the person who had shown some interest in being with them. Sometimes the person who showed some form of interest in such a person goes ahead with the relationship despite the bias and the discussion then comes out "I was told you are a very stingy guy by so and so when I made inquiries about you" "I was told you are a very stubborn lady by so and so when I asked her if you are single and available for a relationship" Such a discussion then creates bad blood between the person who gave such an opinion and the one who gave the opinion about.

Most of those who do this opinion-mongering were married, living with their husbands and wives, and raising their children in peace yet, they were using their meddling and gossipy nature to misdirect and mislead the singles in the fellowship who desired to be married.

 The problem with gossip is simple, it never stops if somebody said something evil or vile about you and you heard it, you immediately start saying something evil or vile about the person too.

 Before I knew it, the young fellowship I was leading was full of unpalatable stories this one has talked about that one, and that one is now talking about this one, the singles were still interested in getting married but they did not respect the married ones who had said one thing or the other about them and would not want to be with anyone who such a married person knows or relates with so that they don't keep feeding the married person information about them.

 In all the drama, I was in the middle praying that the Lord would open the eyes of the young people around me to see the gem in one another and start tying the knot. It got so bad that mothers of sisters in the fellowship started calling me on behalf of their daughters who were single to know why after a year or two in the fellowship their daughters were still trusting God for the bone of their bone .

In all that time, the few marriages we had were between sisters or brothers in the fellowship who brought in their partners from another fellowship or church this means, the one from another fellowship is a stranger to the gossip millers within the fellowship and they couldn't use their poisonous mouths to ruin the relationships.

 One day the thing got to a head and I had to address it, so I told everybody to SHUT UP! Especially the so-called "mamas" who projected themselves as someone to talk to on relationship issues. Some of them were quite discreet as they whispered in the ears of the ones who lacked restraint and used them to ruin good relationships from a place of deniability.

Many of the singles see them as married and experienced and then go to them for relationship counseling not knowing these ladies will pick up their phones right after the session and begin to talk to every Jack, Jill, Jackyl, and Jacaranda in their gossip cult to table such matters.

Some of them fed so fat on gossip that they even developed a strong bond of friendship based on it Some developed an appetite for gossip so vile that they did not even know the boundaries between what they were told and what they added to it or made assumptions of.

 I told them to SHUT UP! I did it brazenly and in the open, I said if I heard anyone's story from anybody from that day the person is out of the fellowship.

There could have been a better way to handle it but I felt the matter needed to be dragged in such a manner that the ears of everyone that heard it would tingle.

Imagine saying you saw the hotel room key of a brother with a sister, meanwhile, the hotel the brother stayed at does not use keys! And this was said by a married woman with a serpent-like whisper to the ears of others who carried such a rumour to ruin the lady's reputation. 

What is your business with who is dating who? Are you not satisfied with your marriage? Must you poke your nose in other people's affairs? There were even some relationships that were going on very well until they got hit by the toxic missile of these rumour ambassadors.

 I didn't spare anybody I was going to name names but a dear pastor whispered in my ears not to do so. Ladies and gentlemen, the number of marriages and blossoming relationships in the fellowship exploded just three months after this episode of a crackdown on rumour and its mongers.

Young men and ladies began to date without fear of married CCTV cameras following them everywhere fishing for gist.

 Marriages began to happen, initially in trickles and then to the point of conducting four in a day. Young people in relationships were also admonished to keep their mouths shut and stop going to empty heads for counsel. In this case, a closed mouth is a marital destiny protected! I learned a huge lesson from that episode as a minister of the gospel, if you want to have a thriving, vibrant, and healthy fellowship, do not encourage gossip, and do not gossip with anyone about the members of your fellowship.

Some people will befriend you just so they can be close enough to glean information about others from you, please don't encourage them Gossip is a bigger enemy of the growth of a fellowship than the devil, let brotherly love continue but eschew gossip. When you hear phrases like "He led her on" or "She led him on", the person that said it is a gossip monger. Such statements require subjective opinion, which means this person saw two people who were friends and were no longer friends and had to conclude that either party wanted to marry or date the other or pretended to want to do that! Nobody can ever establish the motive of another person in a relationship apart from the person. Such a person is in a relationship with the person himself or herself. Anyone using the terms "You led him on or You led her on" is inserting their opinion in the issue as an observer or based on hearsay to push the wrong narrative abroad, that is the classic definition of a rumor I learned in those days. 

PS: A leader must deal wisely with gossip and gossipers If I tell you I know all the rumour mongers around me by name and house address, you won't believe it but I do. Some stopped or cautioned themselves while others were kept far away from the center so they could not know what was happening before everyone else, that way the influence of the gossipers is controlled. A gossipper often assumes having stories to share makes him or her influential in the fellowship, that kind of influence mimics the influence of the devil because it is not of God, and sooner or later, it leads the gossiper into a pool of disgrace.
 I love you. 
-GSW-