Killjoy

Killjoy

There are some people that are like articulated vehicles

They have very heavy loads on their heads

They have even heavier loads on their minds

They have enormous spiritual baggage

They have gigantic emotional baggage

Yet they are just a few feet tall naturally

They are beautiful, educated, enlightened

They dress sharply

Makes sure they look like a million dollars

They are all fashion and fascination

They are attractive

They are wonderful

Sometimes they are very caring

When you talk to them, you have a faint impression of wisdom

You assume they are the real deal

You follow them on the social media, give them room in your social space

You inbox them, message them, chat them up

You approach them, woo them, show them the green light

They are warm, receptive and congenial

You become fast friends, like you “can’t believe it”

You cannot believe for the life of you how lucky you are

Wow!

That was her experience

He approached her at the bank

She was a cashier and he was a customer

She has never had anything to do with a customer before

Though she was single and praying for a spouse

She never considered the bank a place to pick up a life partner

He wanted to cash a cheque

She attended to him

He counted the money on the counter and gave her a few bills with his card

“I will call you later” he said, looking into her eyes

She didn’t know what to think

His eyes were steely and purposeful

She knew he was going to call

And call he did

He called her the following day around 8pm

He wanted to know if she had closed

She hadn’t

He asked if he could see her the following day

They agreed to meet at a restaurant

He was just too good to be true

He treated her like his life depended on her well being

It was a serious matter

And he wasn’t pretending

He consistently treated her with dignity and respect

His love was not only sincere, it was how love should be

He was there to pick her from the office everyday

Whenever she closes late, he would have bought dinner in take away packs for her to take home

After three months of close marking

She decided he was for real

She agreed to be his fiancé with a view to getting married in three years

He was ready to get married immediately

She was running her part time master’s programme and hoping to save some money before she got married

Her elder sisters all got married with all their kitchenware intact

Her mother had taught them all that they must not go into marriage empty handed

She bought into the idea hook line and sinker

She had bought some things

But when she saw his flat and the kitchen

She decided the things she bought were too inferior

She needed to step up her game

A week after she accepted the engagement ring

She noticed a slight change in his attitude

He had a game on his phone he loves to play

She also learnt to play it and sometimes they compete on who’d get the highest score

The game was very addictive

He was so good at it that she rarely wins

The times she won were the times he graciously threw the game and she knew it

Eventually she downloaded the game for practice purposes

She really wanted to win on her own merit

They play the game practically every night

Sometimes they switch phones as soon as one or the other loses

It was all fun and pleasure

Until she noticed that he was using the access he had to her phone to snoop on her mails

He would snoop through her Whatsapp, twitter, Facebook, Instagram, text messages, call logs.

Internet browsing history, google plus, linked in, Pinterest, tumbler,

Then he would comb the mails for financial transactions, who she sent what to and who sent what to her

She simply noticed that he would tacitly ask her questions relating to her daily activities

She usually wondered how he got to know so much

But she would shrug it off

Sometimes she would introduce him to somebody and he would say “Oh, the man that sent you so and so amount”

Then she would have to tell him what the money was for in order to clear herself

One day she caught him snooping through her phone in the middle of the night

By this time, she had also noticed that he had an unhealthy jealous streak

He would call her during office hours and insist he wanted video call (Just to be sure she was at work)

If she went out with one of her friends, he would call and ask to speak with the friend

Whenever he saw her talking with a male, regardless of status or relationship with her

His eyes would turn green

He would become stiff and cold

Talking in monosyllables

Sometimes insinuating that she was dating such or wanted to date such

He had deep insecurity and jealousy issues!

She thought she could cope at first

She spoke with him

Tried to reassure him of her love and commitment to their relationship

She never gave him a reason to doubt to her love

She was 27 years old and a virgin when she met him

She couldn’t count the number of opportunities she had before then to sleep around

If she could keep herself when she had nobody

Why should he assume she couldn’t keep herself when she was engaged

He would say “Love is jealous”

Or “If you are not jealous if you see me with a woman, it means you are not jealous”

Sometimes when he was with a female and she was in sight

He would flirt with the female or talk with the female in a manner to make her jealous

She knew his antics

He was like a child

She would ignore him

Later he would say “You were very jealous when you saw so and so cozying up to me! So don’t blame me for being jealous if I see a guy trying to get into your pants”

She would insist she was not jealous

He would in turn say “That means you don’t love me”

It was as if he was on a mission to validate his jealousy

To somehow make it legitimate

The more she complained about it

The more he held on to it

Jealousy like a python was strangling him and swallowing him up whole

She was trying very hard to help him

But slaves do love their chains!

Six months to their wedding

She began to have serious doubts about him

He was faithful, loving, caring, teachable and generous

Ordinarily he should be the most contented man in the world

But “insecurity” had taken away his reasoning

Sometimes he would be trying so hard to prove she was cheating on him even though he knew she wasn’t

When they are at home together, he would accuse her of chatting with a guy and having emotional relationship with the guy

When they have sex, he would say “I want to be sure it was the same size as the last time I entered, I must be sure someone else is not tending my garden”

If they go out and any guy, maybe a former school mate or a colleague approach her to say hello, he would be all up in arms! Sometimes even rude or discourteous to the person

She had to tell herself the truth

“She had been extremely unhappy in the relationship!”

The days of spinsterhood when she was boisterous and happy had been replaced with a season of self-doubt, suspicion, fear, sadness, limitation, darkness and mistrust

She called him the next day and broke off the engagement!

He didn’t take it well

He accused of sleeping around and dumping him for the highest bidder

He was so nasty

He would come to her office and harass her unnecessarily

It became a case of obsession

She had to report him to the police station

He was arrested and kept in the cell for 24 hours

Afterwards, he was given a restraining order to stay at least 1000 meters away from her

He stopped coming around after then

He resorted to sending her nasty and insulting text messages from his phone and other people’s phones

She blocked him on every communication platform

It took her a year to get rid of him in her head

She met someone else as she clocked 31

She married the person one year later

He came for her wedding!

She was dancing with her husband at the reception when he showed up

Her heart skipped several beats but she remained calm

He walked straight to them on the dance floor

He shook her husband’s hand and congratulated him

He shook her hand and congratulated her

He said: I had a problem, thank you for letting me know. Happy Married life.

I really wish you the best!

As he walked away, she realized something had indeed changed in him

She also wished him the best.

PS: This event happened in Warri, Nigeria

Jealousy and insecurity are destiny destroyers

They make you build but not to inhabit

They rob you of your peace and confidence

They make you a liability

“Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13:4, “Love is not jealous,” sometimes translated, “Love does not envy.” Well, there is another word for envy, but sometimes they overlap. It simply means love doesn’t grasp for and demand affections from the beloved that don’t belong to it.

Love is not excessive; it’s not grasping; it’s not holding on. It’s happy. It rejoices when the beloved’s affections go toward other things and other people that are appropriate — affections from mom or dad or friends or a night out or nature.

We’re not at all grasping, saying, “I want those. I want those. Those are mine.” No, they’re not. Love knows the difference, so we don’t demand that all affections come to us from our beloved. We’re not loving if we do”

– John Piper

If you are the jealous type

Please get on your knees and ask the Holy Spirit to take it away from you

It is an emotional baggage you are not allowed to dump on anybody

Ask for help now!