Learn to Let Go
There is nothing that hurts a believer more than unforgiveness, keeping a record of wrong and the inability to forget something that was done against us by others.
During counseling sessions, some people, mostly women would begin to tell you stories of how their husband or their parent or their relatives had hurt them over the years. Some of the stories will go back 40 to 50 years. One woman said when she met her husband, his mother didn’t want him to marry her. She said whenever she went to visit him, the mother and the sisters would roll out empty drums for her to fill with water from the well and also bring out tons of dirty clothes for her to wash, all in a bid to discourage her from marrying their son. She said she persisted in doing everything they demanded of her with tears but she kept it in her book of faults. She said when they saw that this didn’t work, they found another lady from Abeokuta where the husband hailed from, and insisted their son would marry the lady. She said it became a competition between her and the lady as her man wouldn’t dare disobey his mother. She could have walked away but she refused to. The man began to sleep with her and the other woman in a race to see who would get pregnant first.
She got pregnant in February 1980, the other lady got pregnant in March 1980. The race became about who would deliver a male child, she delivered a boy on December 25, 1980, the other woman delivered a girl in February 1981. Her husband married her in July 1981. The other woman was accepted by the family and her daughter was given a man but she moved on and got married to someone else two years later. This woman had a receipt of all these events. She could have left the union or forgiven the misdeeds but she chose to stay on in the marriage and keep recording everything she believed was done against her in the course of the marriage. She said after the marriage, they bought a car and her husband refused to use it as a taxi to augment their income. She was a journalist and so was he. They were earning salaries but she said it was not enough. She said she had to wake up early every day to make meat pies and other snacks which she took to school daily so as to earn extra money. This also went into her book of records then the amount of money her husband gave his mother and sister monthly became the next topic.
How he would take out 20% of his income religiously to care for his mother while neglecting her own parents because she was working and was expected to take care of them out of her own allowance, this also went into her book of records. Then the issue of how his family members were mean to her children when they were young, how one uncle gave her son a knock on the head when they went for their annual Christmas holiday at the family house, how another aunt of the children would send them on unending errands whenever she saw them. Then the issue of how her husband’s extended family was mean even to her husband and had refused to give him out of their father’s properties because his mother was a third wife and the children of the first wife had taken everything that their father left behind.Then the issue of infidelity, how her husband cheated on her that one time and she caught him doing so.
When she challenged him, he said she had abandoned him for over two years and she felt that was okay. In her defense, she said she was following the campaign trail of one of the big politicians in 1992/1993 that took him away from the family for two years because they had to travel all over Nigeria. Was that good enough a reason for him to cheat on her? Then the issue of the other child by the other woman, how her husband was still sending that one money for her schooling and upkeep, and how that one is deliberately milking the bleeding heart of her husband who could not resist her emotional power over him. Then she goes to how her husband fell ill and was diagnosed with diabetes, how he lost his job, and how she had been responsible for his upkeep since that time. If you ask her to tell the story 10 times a day, she will do so over and again without mincing words. She is a believer and this is why her life is full of sorrow, pain, and despair. She was always sick, always broke, always unhappy Why? She has not been living as a believer should and as a result of this, she is accommodating all sorts of illnesses and pains in her body.
I met her after her husband had died. She was suffering from stomach cancer and needed divine healing. As we began to talk, I realized she could never be healed unless she forgave her late husband and replaced all the bad memories she had stored up with good ones. She and her husband had more good times than bad times. He flew her to London for her 40th birthday, bought her a car for her 50th birthday, made his will early, and named her and her children as the sole beneficiary after settling the daughter he had outside wedlock. They had three beautiful children together and they saw the children through school, their graduation and weddings, church services, family vacations, and so many other great memories were available for her to feed off on. She chose to feed off the negative memories and by so doing she invited all sorts of afflictions into her life. I didn’t just lead her in a prayer declaring that she had forgiven all those who hurt her including her husband and his family, I also counseled her to stop feeding her children with these negative stories. The stories turned the children against their father in his lifetime and it was already affecting how the children were managing their marital relationships. Within a week, she began to recover from this affliction!
Today, she is totally free of it. A long memory of wrong is a dangerous thing for a believer.
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, until seven times: but, until seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21-22). When you forgive, you're the one who benefits. Not forgiving places you at a serious disadvantage and as a child of God, you should act like your heavenly father, who never recalls your offenses.
The first benefits of forgiving others is that you keep the door firmly closed against the devil. When you don't forgive, you open the door to bitterness and malice, both of which are satan's keys to entering a person's life. The Bible says "If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day. Don't give the devil a chance" (Ephesians 4:26-27 GNB).
The second benefit of forgiving others is that when you do, the power of God in your life continues to flow unhindered. Remember that God is love and His power functions in the atmosphere of love. But when you don't forgive others, malice can creep in, which can short-circuit the power of God in your life. This was what happened to the Prophet Elisha in the Bible (2 Kings 3). Elisha was so angry and bitter against the King of Israel that he couldn't hear what the Spirit was saying. He had to call for a musician to play so that the anointing could come on him.
Lastly, forgiving others will keep you in good health! People who harbor unforgiveness in their hearts are susceptible to sickness and disease. The bitterness in their hearts affects their physical bodies and manifests as infirmity. The reason some people are sick and miss out on God's blessings is that they refuse to forgive. So, make up your mind to always forgive those who have wronged you. If you forget how good God has been to you, you may find it difficult to forgive others when wronged. But when you appreciate the mercy you received from the Lord you'll find it easier to have mercy and forgive others when they've wronged you. Forgiving others of their wrong isn’t an option for a child of God. If you ever have an issue with anyone, whether your brothers and sisters in the Lord, or with outsiders, don’t let it go beyond that day. The Bible says, “…Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26). But what if you forgive them and they wrong you again the next day? You’ll have to forgive again. That’s what we read in our opening scripture. Jesus said we’re to forgive others “seventy times seven” times, in response to Peter’s question. That number symbolizes boundlessness. And these things were written for our learning, for our admonition. In essence, Jesus was saying, “Forgive, no matter how many times someone offends you,” because you have enough capacity to forgive. If Christ Jesus forgave you, why should there be anything too much for you to forgive? The Bible says, “Put up with each other, and forgive anyone who does you wrong, just as Christ has forgiven you” (Colossians 3:13 CEV). Someone may say, “I’ll never forgive so-and-so, because what he did was so terrible”; no! Not when you’re born again. We have the nature of God to forgive. This is why forgiveness is imperative; it’s not a piece of advice. You must always forgive, and quickly too. Let God’s love in your heart flow through you lavishly.
A lady died of cancer because she wouldn’t forgive her husband, who was living wild and wouldn’t go to Church. If he did go for a Sunday service, everyone rejoiced and considered it a miracle. She wouldn’t stop worrying over her husband and holding grudges against him; that was the reason for the cancer. Now, she didn’t die of cancer because cancer was a great enemy. No, she died of cancer because she just didn’t let the cancer go; the cancer was the unforgiveness that she harbored in her heart. Understand something about forgiveness; it’s a tool; a marvelous tool for your own happiness. You don’t forgive others because they were so wrong, and you were so right; it’s got nothing to do with right and wrong. Rather, it’s something you do for your own happiness; it’s in your interest to bear no grudge or be bitter against anyone. I’m aware that we can sometimes be badly hurt by the callous actions of others. Nonetheless, holding on to the pain and grudge of such experiences can only wound your emotions further and cause damage to your spiritual life. To be unforgiving is to allow circumstances to rob you of your joy in life, but forgiveness is a tool for happiness. Never resent others for what they did to you; learn to forgive. Don’t even wait for them to apologize. Let the love of God in your heart, not an apology from those who wrong you, be your inspiration for forgiving their faults. Let God’s essence within you flow out like a stream as you relate with others in love. Maintain a forgiving heart all the time and you’ll live a happy and excited life and continually enjoy the pleasantness in other people. Walking in love isn’t an option for the Christian, and one major characteristic of love is that it forgives. You must always forgive others, irrespective of what they might have done against you. It doesn’t matter the extent of hatred and acrimony you may experience from certain people, you have the obligation to love and forgive those who hurt or persecute you, like Jesus did. Imagine His own reaction to those who crucified Him; He looked up to heaven and said, “…Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do…” (Luke 23:34). He overlooked their ignorance and forgave their wrongs. Always be quick to forgive. Don’t say, “But what he did was so terrible”; there’s no wrong that doesn’t deserve forgiveness. Jesus proved it. Stephen did too; read his story: the Jews stirred up false charges against him for preaching the Gospel and ordered his execution. The Bible says, “…as the murderous stones came hurtling at him, Stephen…fell to his knees, shouting, “Lord, don’t charge them with this sin!” and with that, he died” (Acts 7:59-60 TLB). He cried out to God to forgive those who murdered him. As you take stock and round off the year, one thing you must ensure is to look into your life and confidently say that you hold nothing against anyone. Even the most difficult people, under the most difficult circumstances, are still to be loved. God wants you to know that all people are valuable to Him, irrespective of how you may feel about them. Train yourself to relate with everyone around you in this manner. Never judge or condemn others. If you keep only the good memories and delete the bad ones, you will by default have a light heart and a healthy body, always remember this.
-GSW-
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