Re-Letter From Cameroon
Good evening Sir. I stumbled upon a story titled 'letter from Cameroon' sent to you by my husband, about the current state of affairs in our marriage. I held back my immediate reaction to the story because I wanted to give peace a chance. And also because from experience, conflict and reconciliation in a marriage are as unpredictable as the direction of the wind. Perhaps I am wrong, the most recent turn of events compel me to write a reply, especially because my Husband told only half truths in his piece which he wrote from Cameroon. This is my own account. Kindly publish unedited, on Gbengawemimo.com.
I became born again one evening in 2005, at a very popular Pentecostal church in Lagos. It was a gratifying and timely experience that brought me out of a heartbreak. I had been in love with a special man who had hitherto tried to help me see the ineffectiveness of my orthodox background and agnostic disposition towards faith. This was my second attempt at love. The first ended similarly with the man in question suddenly going incommunicado without any reason. For whatever reason inexplicable, this second man also would not commit, even though he was the first to give the green light about the possibility of a relationship. The two men I loved didn't love me back. It was funny because, those who went all out to propose to Me, I didn't fancy and couldn't bring myself to love.
After I gave my life to Christ, I began exercising my faith and praying for my future Husband. I was taken in so much by the outward seeming beauty of the life of my Pastor that I along with my girlfriends were praying at that time to marry a Pastor as well. If I had known. Or perhaps my prayer point would have been more specific about the type of Pastor I wanted God to bring my way. But I would never had known that God would bring me such a complicated Man of God. Who would have known also that my peculiar problem with my failed relationships had to do with what they call in these parts, spirit husband.
My Pentecostal church though a praying church couldn't hit the bulls eye on this problem. And curiously also, the handful of eligible bachelor's in the church, weren't looking my way. But I didn't relent in my prayers. I am not proud of it now, but I also visited a Cele Pastor who prayed for me and gave me some salt, perfume and scriptures to use,(the talisman) my husband referred to in his story. I must point out here, that I didn't go looking for a miracle in the Cele church. I met this Man of God inadvertently. I didn't tell him about my relationship woes. He was the one who told me all my relationship experiencesby the spirit, and diagnosed my problem then, as one of spirit husband. Surprisingly, it was after his prayers for me, that I met my husband "The evangelist".
He confirmed what had hitherto been said, conducted another deliverance for me and proclaimed my freedom. I was never a proud person but truth is, if I had met my husband in different circumstances, I would never have given him a second look. I was already a successful career person at my age, and we'll known in my field. I could choose to work in any of the accounting firms around.But then, I had been praying for some time, and his first text to me came exactly two days after it had been prophesied that I would meet my husband. He was not as handsome as I would have wanted, didn't have a job and graduated from school 5 good years after I left the university. My family was happy for Me, but they advised that he got a job, before we proceeded with our marriage plans. My parents saw all the signs. I was spending less at home and more on him.
My mum having gone through similar experience, didn't want the same for her daughter. But eventually, she was the only one that gave the go ahead, when everyone said "get a job" even his own family members said the same.
I wanted him to get a job also, even if it was a pastoring job. But I wanted to get married more than the availability of that requirement at that time in our lives. Apart from that, I had seen the anointing of God evident upon his life. He was (still is) blessed with the gift of the word of knowledge and word of prophecy as well. This was exactly as I had prayed for earlier on, so I told myself, what more could a young woman ask for? And get married, we did.
As it is in every courtship, my husband was all lovey-dovy when we were dating. Six months down the line after our meeting , I fell in love with this unlikely love potential.
I can never forget one mistletoe kiss he gave me under the stair case, when we were parting briefly for the day.
After 8 years of marriage, all the romance has been thrown into the ocean of forgetfulness. And it didn't disappear recently. I remember vividly when my husband began to show his true colour. One afternoon during our honeymoon, i laid on him, and he shrugged me off. He has been shrugging me off ever since.But if I may trace the issues. I also came to discover that My parents were right, lack of money in a marriage is a big strain on the relationship between a couple. I began carrying the financial responsibility in the marriage, amidst our first child coming the following year after we ties the knot.
When we couldn't pay our rent on time the following year, it dawned on both of us that he had to get a job. I intervened by going to one of my fathers in the accounting field who helped out. The salary was insignificant, but he had to take It, because it was better than staying at home. Perhaps through this period, my husband came to loathe me for being the breadwinner of the family. Truth is, when he didn't have a job, we had several disagreements those days which turned into serious name calling scenarios which i am not proud of. But we both gave as good as we got. Perhaps I became unattractive to him from the beginning. But I have realized that I have been complaining about the same things since 2011.
Initially, I would plant a kiss on his lips everyday, before going to work, even though he never reciprocated. I did that for more than a year, after which he started turning away. We Don't kiss anymore. He never hugs me. And when I in late hugs, he is quick to disengage. He never initiates lovemaking. I do all the initiating. And when we do make love, he lays on the bed like a log, unresponsive, while I do all the work of intimacy. When I complained then about the lack of kisses in our marriage, he told me I had mouth odour. He would turn my mouth away from him whenever I was the one on top of him. But somehow, I didn't have mouth odour when we were dating. And we kissed a lot then by the way.
When I pointed this out to him, he couldn't give me an answer. Till today, he has been unable to provide an answer to my concern about how my mouth didn't turn him off then. And then I observed that whenever he had a sexual urge, he would rather help himself that seek me out. When I confronted him about this the first time, it turned into a fight, during which he told me that helping himself out felt better than making love to me.
Through these challenging times, he left the second job he got because the organisation was not paying salaries. And then our relationship turned from bad to worse. When another job came, he got three offers at the same time. But I encouraged him to take that of the church because he has always wanted to do the work of his father.
This is in spite of the fact that the others were better paying. So from the onset, it was never about money for me. I just wanted him to have the dignity of leaving the house and going to a place of employment every morning. So my crime is encouraging him to work, instead of being an absentee father going on missions that Don't bring home any money. I was more concerned about our relationship improving even though I had good reason to leave him. This is a man who was rude to my mother from the on set. He shouted at her when I was in labour with our first child. Such a memory never leaves a woman.
He boasted about my father's death on one occasion when we had our usual arguments, he insulted guests at my brother's wedding. He used to call me unprintable names whenever we caught. He has called me an animal before. He has told me before that my parents wasted the money they spent on my education. He has insulted my mother before on his family WhatsApp group chat, ( he showed it to me himself, by the way) one time when I complained about the lack of sex and intimacy, in our marriage, he said I have a flat ass and my hands were hard, therefore he doesn't feel any tenderness whenever I touch him.
We have only sought out the pastor of our former church parish for counselling. And he lied when he said I insulted them After wards because they didn't give a verdict that favoured me.
Now, Don't be surprised about this next set of revelations! These are the other things I complain about. Yes he is an evangelist, but he drinks, though not a heavy drinker and he smokes. When I challenge him, he tells Me, the bible does not condemn such. But he would conveniently not mention these things when he writes to you about us
And yes, he is overconfident about his disposition with women during his ministrations. Even the bible says, let he who stand, take heed, lest he falls. I know he doesn't have amorous designs on them, but i mean when they have amorous designs on him, he does little or nothing to caution them, even when he knows that discretion requires him to wean them after counselling foe a period. He tells me I am selfish that I am thinking about my own needs alone.
Such was the case of one girl he was ministering to. She was suffering from depression. My husband saw that girl everyday for months. Went everywhere with her, took her to the beach, took her dancing like they were lovebirds. This happened until they were alone in his office one day and she stripped naked before him. He told me himself. And the reason he told me is because nothing happened. If something had happened, it would have been an incident forgotten in history.
And he can't claim to having never cheated on me before. Yes! He has given me an STD before. I remember that incident vividly. It was in 2015. I had just returned from an official trip. And as usual, I initiated sex with my husband and started itching two days after. He took me to the hospital and conveniently did not enter to see the doctor with me. The look the doctor gave me when I made my complaints told me what I needed to know. I don't know where he took the lady to or who it was. But a lady was calling him persistently the morning after my return. When I complained, he said he went to her because I didn't cook for him before I left for my four day trip.
The lady stopped calling after wards but the deed had already been done. This is the same man on whose phone I saw a debit notification for one Total comfort services Ltd. That day he had left his second phone at home. Then I called him immediately to ask him where he was, he lied saying he was at work.then I told him I just left his office that he was not there. He told another lie, saying he went to run an errand that I should have waited for him. This is a man who used to lie comfortably, conveniently. I used to tell him then that God saved the world by not allowing him to smell the law profession, else he would have let loose many hardened criminals. His life is one of many contractions. Perhaps that's why he is adept at contradicting and controverting facts. And by the way, he also lied, when he said he never hit me throughout our marriage. He has done so twice before.
This is a Man who has flirted with our house help before, right under my nose. This house help woke up one morning, announcing to me that she was leaving. When I probed her, she told me that my husband was pressuring her to have sex with him. If I had not caught my husband flirting with this girl in my kitchen one day, I would have called her a liar and prostitute. I sent her away still. But till today, my Husband denies doing anything untoward, even flirting with the girl.
After 10 years of marriage, when he is now more focused on ministry, when he is leaving those despicable acts behind, when he is getting ahead, he calls me the enemy of progress. He calls me mediocre, prayerless,. I am now the clog in his wheel of progress. He has forgotten all those times i went out of my way to help him out. When i bailed him out financially even before we got married. How I took up responsibilities and made it look like he did it. Now He says I think the world revolves around me. He still never initiates sex between us by the way.
His latest response to that is that, "sex will fade away" And that I think too much of myself if I expect him to worship under my pussy" Yes, the evangelist said that to me his wife. Are you surprised that he is a man of such contradictions? Don't be. Yes, the anointing can be packaged in a vessel so rough around the edges.
Oh there are so many sour experiences with this Man I call my husband. How many more can i write about. I recall the first time i took our first so for immunization. He called me a witch that day because i looked away when the nurse was giving our baby the injection. And though my three pregnancies, he was good at saying horrible things that made me cry.
Did he say all these things in his own account titled letter from Cameroon? No, he won't. Understandably. Obviously old habits die hard. He is the master of hyperbole. A little addition here and there. And a little omission by the side, and you have a perfect story that will make the whole world condemn his wife. He sure knows how to demonize me. Still i believe everyone reading now, who had made conclusions about Me would have a rethink.
But I am still working on my prayer life, even though not as well and hard as I used to do before we got married. On that score he is right. I am not as fervent. And I make no excuses for myself. All I can say to that is, I am trying to light the fire again. Not because of him. But because I am missing out on my Father's love for me and because I owe myself and my children a responsibility to grow in the spirit and show them same example.
I have lost all hope and faith in this marriage.A lot of times, I wish we didn't have children. If we didn't, I'd have taken the first bus to freedom. Like him, I also feel it is better to remain single, than live with a man who hates you. But you can go ahead with your prayers for us. Maybe, just Maybe.
Note: it would be an injustice, if you do not publish my reply.
PS: I got this mail and I decided to post as received. I am not entirely convinced the writer is the wife of the "missionary" who sent in the letter from Cameroon. The stories are similar and I have heard several variations of such stories from several couples.
I hope we all will learn one or two things from this letter all the same. Thank you