Witholding Affection

Some people complain that their spouses withhold affection from them, but the truth is, they are difficult to love.

You never truly know a man or a woman until you begin to live with them in a marriage, and they begin to act in a certain way that shocks you to the marrow.

When they were courting, he or she actively relates with his friends and relatives without any reservation, giving you a sense of assurance that you have found the right man or woman who fits into your good life.

You didn't know she was only playing along in order to get the ring or bag the girl.

Then you get married, and he or she sets a camera all over the entrances of the house and gates and forbids you from visiting anyone or receiving visitors.

You ask what the problem was, and he or she tells you that now that you are married, they have rules and regulations which you must follow.

No talking to the neighbours, no friends, no relatives, no socializing, just staying in the prison they call home.

Then he or she drags you to a certain church and tells you to submit to their pastor and become a worker in that church (sometimes it is a church you dislike and a pastor you dislike personally, and this person knows this).

Then the constant accusations, suspicious nature, and barbs.

You kiss her, and she says, "Who has been teaching my husband how to kiss like this in my absence?"

You don't kiss her, and she says, "You must be kissing someone outside of the marriage if you are not kissing your wife."

You care for the home to the best of your ability, and he finds fault with everything you do.

Calls you someone who has not been trained for marriage and turns the whole marriage thing into a performance and grading project.

You cannot laugh and have fun in his or her presence without a snide remark.

He or she reminds you daily that you were not good enough and do not deserve the position of wife or husband, which they mistakenly gave you.

Affection that is not reciprocated with wilt.

Over time, you become too sensitive to be comfortable with your own husband or wife.

You find yourself crying all the time and feeling trapped.

You find yourself on edge and being defensive at every turn.

The marriage turns toxic.

It is the only way you can remain sane.

You learn how to talk back and scream and shout in defence of your self-esteem.

Affection dies and weariness creeps in.

At the end of the day, you realise it is not worth it.

You don't want to live out your life in an emotional prison.

You begin to look for the best way to exit this trap.

The dream of marital bliss you once held has turned to a nightmare you are eager to awake from.

-GSW-