Gbenga, I stumbled across your website recently. You are very gifted. Beyond the gift, I guess you have seen many of life’s curved balls and have learnt not to be quick to judge unlike many of your young and idealistic twitter followers.
Is there anybody who doesn’t want a perfect story?
Is there anybody who doesn’t desire a perfect life?
Thank God for God!
If people were God, no one would ever walk with their heads high after stumbling over the proverbial stone
Look at all the women in the lineage of Jesus!
Do you think God couldn’t have chosen more pristine vessels?
Mortals will always be eager to throw judgmental stones in the name of God, especially those whose sins were forgiven freely (I mean Christians).
Like the prodigal son’s elder brother we are quick to take offence that grace was extended to somebody who erred!
I am telling my story, I expect to be judged as others before me were!
I could have kept my experiences to myself, but I was forgiven much and I intend to give much more of myself like the woman with the Alabaster box!
Love bids redemption stories be shared for others to be guided away from the pit.
I fell in love for the first time when I was 15
I fell in love with the most unlikely person in the world
My Father was a renowned socialite
My surname had a lot of weight
I was destined for a glorious and financially secure future
The young man I fell in love with was a “teacher”
My lesson teacher
He didn’t do anything to encourage me because that would have been the end of his life
My father was a very powerful man
I was an okay student but I struggled with the core science subjects
My older siblings were all art students and I had nobody to turn to for help
I could have studied arts too but I wanted to forge a different path for myself
When my father saw my first term results as a science student he summoned my school principal
They discussed and agreed I needed a brilliant teacher to help me navigate the treacherous waters of Physics, Chemistry, Further mathematics and Mathematics
I wasn’t consulted
The day my “Tutor” resumed, my father simply said “Your private tutor will be arriving at 4pm today”
That was all!
I hated the private tutor that very moment
4pm was my siesta period and I love to read my Mills and Boons those days before being led into dreamland by my imagination
But the moment I saw him, I changed my mind
He was the opposite of my father in stature. He was tall, lanky, lean, soft spoken and very patient
He was the first son of a carpenter
He was teaching to save enough money to study medicine
He had unconventional methods of teaching.
He knew the tricks and the short cuts to solving many mathematical problems
He was good
I fantasized about him a lot
I believe he wasn’t even aware of my feelings for him until I wrote and passed my GCE the following year
We both gained admission to study medicine two years later
He got a scholarship
I had always known I cannot marry him
I don’t even think I desired him that way
“There are people you love for a season, there are people you love for a reason, there are people you love for today and there are people you love for tomorrow”
I know there is no future to the relationship, no plans, just that season
He was involved with another a beautiful lady he met while in the college of education
I was not one of those ladies who will pine in secret and pray for a guy to look their way
When I want something I went for it
I had written him a thank you letter after I passed my GCE and in it I had expressed my desire to be his “closet” girlfriend
I simply invaded his space and life once we settled down on campus
He was a very serious bookworm, his social life was limited to me, a friend and church
He remained my teacher even at that level
Medicine came easily to him
When we got to 200 level, he gained admission to Cambridge University
The admission came with a federal government scholarship
He travelled immediately
We wrote letters for a while, but the waves of the oceans of life were always very unsteady
We made each other no promises, it had always been destined to end in tears
I didn’t meet any other guy I was even remotely interested in until I graduated
I was in Monaco with my family during the Christmas break when my father broke the news that we would be having guests
He was a musician, the son of a musician
His father was a global icon
He was on tour with his father
They were in Monaco and decided to come to my father’s studio apartment
It wasn’t feverish love
But it was the type of love that I can see a future in
He already had a child but he was not married
We frequent the same social circle and we really liked and respected each other
He was very clear what he wanted
We were married three years later
I had my first child around our third wedding anniversary
Life settled into its usual patterns and habits
When my child was three, we went to the UK
My child got an infection
We went to the hospital
My child got treated
As we were saying goodbye to the very friendly pediatrician
“My Tutor” came in
The pediatrician was his friend
He had become a surgeon, a much respected surgeon
I had the most unexpected feeling when I saw him
We chatted, he played with my child, and we laughed
“My Tutor” as I used to call him made my heart sing like Asa
We exchanged numbers and parted ways
I found myself smiling, strangely happy
That feeling of butterflies fluttering about in one’s belly
My husband was usually on tour for at least half of the year and perhaps I was lonely
I offer no excuse
I had never ever thought or felt that way for anybody
Not even “my tutor” when we were in school together as lovers
I called him the next day
You can guess what I wanted
We met, we talked, he was married
I saw the picture of his family, he had two pretty daughters
I wasn’t deterred!
I slept with him
He tried to protest but who was he kidding?
His body language was like “If not for this ring I am wearing”
He wanted me – I wanted him – Away with barriers!!!
It went on for a week
My husband’s tour ended
My husband returned home
I returned home
Nine months later I had my second child
I avoided the UK like a plague afterwards
For two years, I stayed at home tending to my family and my clinic
Then he called
He was in the country and he would like to see me before returning to the UK
He had bought a house
He invited me over
You can guess what he wanted
I went to his house about ten times in the two weeks before he travelled
My husband didn’t go on tour that year
Nine months later, I had my third child
The relationship continued, on and off like that
A sporadic two weeks every other year wherever we can meet in the world
My husband went on tour one year and received an anonymous package containing a picture of “My tutor” and another picture of me and my children with a note “Notice the resemblance?”
Perhaps it was from “his wife”
Perhaps it was from “Him” or someone else.
I never knew
My husband returned home and ordered a DNA test on all the children
The two in the picture were not his
He was broken.
I was a prostitute, I was a loose woman, I was a witch, I was a whore, I was a destiny destroyer
I deserved it all!
He filed for divorce, took his three children from me and threw me out with my two bastards!
I was devastated
I had always suspected he was not their biological father, but he was the father they knew
If he had brought home children for me from another woman
I would have accepted them
Nobody knew I was not the mother of his first child!
I knew I was wrong, but he had slept with many women after we got married. Many of his backing vocalists and dancers had shared his bed
I know for a fact he had children outside of our marriage, all sorts of ladies throw themselves at him all the time wanting to sire a child bearing the legendary surname he has!
I had always looked the other way
Whenever I protested, he would say it was a hazard of the job
I had to explain to my children at their tender age why they had to change their surnames and why their “Father” was no longer their father
In retrospect, if I had the opportunity to undo the past and live my life all over again, I would never have gone down the road I took!
I regret my actions
It was not worth it in the end
I remember falling into depression several times
I remember crying myself to sleep on so many nights
I remember praying fervently once for death to come and take away my shame
I could barely leave my flat at a time
My misdeeds scourged me to the bone
One day a friend of ours came over to my flat
She had called me several times but I didn’t have the strength to talk to anybody
She was an actress, a darling of the movie industry for many years
She had become a pastor and said the Holy Spirit sent her to me
She told me about Jesus and his love for women like me
She told me I made the wrong decisions because I didn’t have Jesus in my life and If I accept Jesus I will experience total freedom from shame, depression and condemnation
I didn’t believe that could ever happen
I had been stigmatized for life
But she was passionate and very convincing
I gave my life to Jesus
‘I felt I was just saying words’
But the words did something extraordinary to me
The Word changed me
She gave me a bible
I read the book of John
Illumination came suddenly
My body began to tremble
The next day I went to a nearby church
I started going out again
I was loved, I knew it, I felt it
The voices of shame and condemnation were drowned
I was happy again
Jesus is joy
Jesus is ineffable love
Jesus is true peace
I hold my head high
I have obtained forgiveness
I am citizen of heaven
Nobody can ever condemn me
Jesus is mine! Hallelujah
I also learnt a vital lesson from Jesus
I stopped Judging and started loving
Love prevails over all things.
PS: I posted this as received,
There is a lot to learn from it
Above all, a life without Jesus is destined for crisis
Not the religious Jesus peddled by bigots
Take the Bible, read the book of John, meet the “Jesus” without strings and conditions
The real Jesus
Call unto Him today
And watch his transforming power at work in your life!