Chains of Yesterday

The Trip to Badagry

They had been dating for six years
They had weathered many storms 
and settled into a rhythm that seems
to work for them
They met a year after they both left
secondary school
They met at a WAEC/NECO/GCE/JAMB
preparatory lesson
It was a coming together of brains
and beauty
He was the best student by far in that
school and she was the most beautiful
Everybody in the school had attempted
WAEC/JAMB etc at least once and failed
He had attempted it once and cleared
his papers
The owner of the preparatory school
recruited him as an informal teacher
His job was to help the students whose
parents have paid so much to get it by
offering horizontal assistance
The students see him as one of them
but in reality, he had gained admission
but was waiting for the academic
session to start
One day she sauntered over to ask
him at the tropical maritime air masses
He sat her down and taught her
gently and clearly
They laughed a lot and he gave very
funny examples
She became very comfortable with
coming to him for help academically
and somewhere along the line, they
started going out
He remembered the day he asked
her out
They were walking towards her house
after classes
He said "Will you go out with me?" and
she said "Yes"
She was Seventeen and he was sixteen
years and three weeks old
When she was done writing her papers
that year, her parents got her a pre-degree
form to LAUTECH
She wrote the examinations and passed
That was their second year
The first year was His
They were an item
When the academic year came
and he resumed, she practically
resumed with him
She told her parents she would be
attending lectures and getting 
familiar with a university environment
instead of sleeping at home
Her parents felt it was a positive
step
They didn't suspect that it was
because she wanted to be with him
She often joked that he was like a 
younger brother to her and they 
somehow believed it
She went to his school just so
that they can be together
He stayed off campus because
of her
They became lovers when he was
seventeen
He was her first and it was a good
relationship
She stayed with him for fourteen
months
It felt like being lost in a dream
Then she gained admission and had
to leave
It was tough for him
Coping without her
It was as if a part of him was 
amputated
He coped by staying in the library for
as long as possible and returning home
only to sleep
He never stayed in his room consciously
for a long time
The walls and everything reminded
him of her
It was crazy
She coped in a different way
After her registration was concluded
she started sleeping with the first
guy that asked her out
It wasn't love
It was just sex
She wasn't built the way he was
She didn't see any practical reason 
why she should keep herself for him
He was not her husband and she
really didn't want to live her life
loving the wrong person
He was younger than her and she
really wasn't comfortable with that
She put up a lot of reasons in her 
head
Whatever the excuse, she took lovers
She didn't have sex with just one guy
She also didn't sleep with everybody
that asked her out
but she did sleep with a lot of guys
What she did with her time in school
washer business and she believed what
he did with his time was his business
He remained faithful
For him, their love was everything
For her, it was all sentiment
She hid her sexual escapades from him
She was still his one and only lover
She wanted it to remain that way
She visited him often so that he
wouldn't need to come to her school
She didn't want him to know that
she had a lot of skeletons stacked up
When he was in his final yeat,
he decided to pay her a surprise visit
The second time she came to her 
school since they got together
He didn't meet her at her house
She was with her campus boyfriend
He caught her red-handed
It was a bad day
He arrived her school at 9 pm and
left by 11:30pm
She knew they were done
She didn't bother explaining
There was no point
She ought to have stopped but
she didn't
He had proposed and she said yes
She was even wearing his ring as
she slept with the person he caught
her with
It made no sense to him
He had given her his all from day one
He never even as much as looked
as another babe
What else was a man supposed to 
give to a woman?
He was twenty-two when they
parted ways
He was posted to Enugu for service
He finished his service year and
was offered a job at a commercial
bank in Lagos
She graduated the following year
and was posted for NYSC in Lagos
He was posted to the NYSC camp
with some colleagues to help market
the bank's new banking app
That was how they met again
She came to meet him when they
were packing up to return to the 
office
It's been three years since that
evil day in LAUTECH
He hugged her like he was meeting
an old friend
He had no animosity against her
She insisted she wanted his new
phone number
That night she asked him if they
can meet to have a discussion
He obliged her
She apologized and told him the
truth
In all, she had cheated on him with
about twenty guys
She explained to him that she decided
to come clean so that they can start
off on a fresh scale
He said okay
She wanted them to continue
from where things stopped
He said okay but it was tough
He couldn't treat her with respect
He couldn't say a word without
referring to her indiscretions
She bore it at first, hoping he would
let it go after getting used to the
new her
She had really cleaned up her acts
after she became a Christian and
she was no longer that kind of girl
She tried to prove this to him in so
many ways but he made it difficult
He acted as if she came begging 
only because she ran out of options
His words cut her to the quick
She knew she hurt him but he was
so blinded by the past that he
couldn't see all the good things
she was doing at the present
She reached out to the Brother
in Jeans and T-shirt
They prayed and agreed that
the Holy Spirit will turn things
around
A week later, he told her he had 
bought a ticket for the two of
them to travel to Badagry with
a tourist company
They left on a Thursday morning
She tried her best not to look at
anybody in a way that will make
him angry
Whenever they were together, if
she as much as look at any male or 
talk about any male, he would say
"That place is scratching you again
right?"
The way he usually said it would 
often make her feel like a tart
So she usually swallowed her
words and observations, so as not to
trigger him 
They got to Badagry, they saw the 
Palace and some other places
When they got to the slaves port
and were looking at all the chains
and bronze artworks depicting 
slavery, she was moved to tears
He noticed she was crying and
turned to her
He said "Why are you crying?"
She responded without thinking
"I feel like these slaves in my heart,
I am a prisoner of my past and
as much as I want to move on to 
start a better future, I cannot!
If i am with someone else I will
be able to have a new slate and
form a fresh memory 
I am with you because I love you
but I dont get a chance to prove
that
All I do every day is try to prove
to you that I am not a terrible
monster despite all the horrible
things to assume about me and 
say to me daily
I am tired of this chain"
Wow!
He couldn't say a word
As much as he tried, the words
just won't come out of his mouth
He hugged her and apologized
That was the last time he ever 
referred to her past or use it as
a cudgel against her
He had met the Lord during NYSC
and knew how the Lord washed
away his past sins and gave him 
a new beginning
He realized ought not to have been 
with her if he couldn't bring himself 
to forgive and forget the past
His behaviour had hurt the two 
unnecessarily
It was carnal of him to keep an 
account of her wrongs after the Lord 
had wiped such clean
They got married one year and
five months later

PS: Their marriage is six years old
and blessed with three children
It is very tempting and sometimes
gratifying in a sinful way to bring
back the account of someone's 
wrongs and use such to smear,
demean, denigrate and belittle
such a person
The problem is, most of us do this
to our spouses
We forget that one way or the other
it would bounce back on us
We have to stop the impulse to hurt
those that love us the most all in the
name of baggage from the past
When we forgive, let us endeavour
to forget too
This is how God deals with us and
unless we want to end up like the 
wicked servant, we must do the
same

GSW's notes: I sat with a couple
last Sunday
As I wrote this, i remember the
husband saying "I feel I am still
paying for the indiscretions of the
past because i didn't do anything
now and she is still punishing me!
She said some people were 
speaking around her and it triggered
her into thinking "I cannot say
my husband does not do this
and that"
I understand both sides of the coin
The Lord Jesus taught us to forgive
absolutely
He was the example of such a 
forgiveness
Freely we have received, freely we
must give
Let love be without pretense! Amen!