Head or Tail

To be candid many of us are unfair
We will know someone won't make a 
good husband or a good wife and 
instead of counseling such to remain 
single so as not to complicate the life 
of another person, we will be the one 
encouraging them and even 
matchmaking them all in the name of 
sentiment.
I met a lady recently who told me 
her lecturer (female) was so good to 
her and talked to her about marrying 
her son (Who was in the UK)
She said she was single and open 
to the idea
The son comes home and the lecturer 
invited her to meet with him
She got to the house 
and was treated like a queen
Then the young man's older comes 
to the house, and stylishly took the 
mother to the kitchen for a short talk. 
This lady said she wanted to take her 
plates to the kitchen when she 
overheard them talking
The older sister was saying "Mummy, 
you know he is still dealing with that 
mental thing and you are pushing this 
young lady to him. 
What if he kills her? 
He almost killed the one he was living 
with in the UK and has refused to be 
treated or go for counseling since 
that time."
She said the mother said "Let them marry 
an at least have a child. We will not say 
because he has some challenges he 
shouldn't have children!"
This is a very bad mindset
You should let his bad genes go to waste 
instead of spreading it to another 
generation
Many of us are guilty of this evil
Knowing the truth and hiding it 
from potential spouses.
I know another family who knew their 
daughter was domineering, compulsive 
and difficult to live with. 
As members of her family, most of 
them can't stomach her.
Her mother started praying that the 
lesson she couldn't teach her
Her husband (being a young man 
will be able to
She got married and made the life of 
that husband miserable to the point 
where the husband committed suicide.
Let us all stop this habit
Pastors do it and so does parents and 
relatives
it is like selling a defective product and 
hoping it will work!
Stop it please
 A lady came into my office some years
ago
Her eyes were all puffed off
She had been crying for a long time
i asked her how I might be of help
She said she was single at the age of
thirty-four and her parents were giving
her hell about it
She said her Father calls her a prostitute
claiming that she had slept with 
everybody and now nobody wanted her
I asked her if what her father said
was true
She shook her head
She said "I dont want to get married.
I have never seen myself like that
I plan to adopt a child or do IVF
somewhere down the line but
I do not want to be married
I asked her if she told her parents
her plans
She said she wouldn't dare
They wouldn't even try to understand
She said her mother had started some
spiritual warfare prayers and activities
on her behalf
Getting her into a marriage was the
be-all and end-all of her mother's 
dream
Seven months later she came back
to say her father had arranged for
her to be married to one of his friend's
son and both parents had decided to
buy them a piece of property in Ajah 
if they would both agree to the Union
She said her mother wept and wailed
while her father threatened fire and
brimstone
The guy was 37 years old, a graduate
and had never been in a serious
relationship
She said she eventually agreed so
that peace would reign
She was tired of fighting everybody
She came to me for prayers
She was walking into unchartered 
waters
She never saw her life going in that
direction but well...
We prayed
She got married
The guy practically imprisoned her
He had CCTV all over the house and
monitors all her movements
He stopped her from working and
would go off for weeks expecting her 
to stay at home alone without 
entertaining any visitor
She was allowed to go to church on
Sundays
(All the cars had trackers and monitors
her movement religiously)
Often time she would go to church,
park inside the church premises and
take a taxi to her parent's house or
a friend's house just to interact with
people
She was virtually a prisoner
They rarely have sex and when they do
he would rather forcefully have anal
sex with her than do the normal thing
Eventually, she discovered he was 
gay
She found pictures and chat records
of his activities with teenage boys
in so many cities where he claimed
he was going to work
(He was an engineer and his company
did a lot of work with multinational
companies in the oil and gas sector)
When he was home, they rarely talk
As far as he was concerned she was
his latest toy to whatever he wanted
with
He knew what he was and didn't
plan to get married because of that
She also didn't want to get married
because of who she knew herself
to be and yet they were forced to be
together in a miserable union
After ten months of torture, she
waited for him to travel one weekend 
and left
She went to see his parents and
showed them all the evidence
She said they were unperturbed
They knew all along that their son
was a monster
They knew she was going to be
tortured for fun but they expected
her to bear it
She said his father said "How much
do you want me to give you?
Just cope with him and get us a
child.
Is he beating you or maltreating
you in any way?"
She said she was shocked by their
response
Her parents would have accused
her of making things up
So she told his father she would
like to relocate to the UK with
him because his sexual activities
could endanger her health and
wellbeing in Nigeria.
She said his father said NO!
His mother said "It is unwise to
let them live abroad"
She got the message
They know their son cannot keep
her a prisoner abroad so they
want them to remain in a lawless
society where their money would
secure them whatever they 
wanted.
She said she didnt argue with
them
When she got home that day, her 
husband had called her over 
fifty times
She said she packed her bag and
left to stay with a friend
She never wanted to be married
in the first place
One month after she left home
her husband was almost lynched
in Kano when he approached the
wrong person for sex
That was how her parents got to
hear the full story
She said her Father never said sorry
He helped her get another job and
froze her out
Didn't even reply her messages
and treated her as if everything
 was her fault
She said her mother kept praying
for a restoration of her marriage
acting as if the failed marriage was
a personal blight on her life
She didn't understand why her 
parents couldn't reason with her
and thank God she came out of
the hell they pushed her into
She eventually left for Canada a 
year later to start all over again.
Finally, one of my mentors decided
to bring a couple together after 
they had been separated for eight
years
I was involved in the process
The couple came together and within
a month the woman ran mad
So mad that we received an emergency
phone call to rush her to the psychiatric
hospital at Yaba
We were not told that she had
psychiatric issue before that time
The husband didn't mention it
The wife didn't mention it
It was the primary they parted ways
The parent of the wife also didn't mention
it and neither did any of her siblings
The husband said "since we told him
what God has joined together let
no man out asunder" he assumed
it was his cross to bear
It was a terrible experience
She had stabbed him in the shoulder
before she could be restrained
She barely missed his heart and
could have killed him
I cried for days after that incident
I was tortured by the memories
for many months
The lady's family had three daughters
struggling with the same mental issue
and they encouraged those same 
daughters to get married
Why would anyone do that?
It is "selfishness" of the highest order
You do not faith that kind of deception
and package it for others to fall for
If you know you have issues relating
to your mental wellbeing and emotion
please stay away from marriage
It is the same with having HIV and
spreading it deliberately to others
Only a devilish person would do that
Please dont be devilish!
Thank you

PS: Marriage is an honourable thing
and so is being single
There is no shame in remaining
single as there is no shame in 
being married
It is better to be divorced than
to be dead
it is better to be separated than
to lost your mind
The individual is forever greater
than the institution
Institutions were made for the
individual and not vice-versa
The Holy Spirit came to live in the
individual and not in a group for
a reason
Are you married, do your very best
before God to make your marriage
the best
Are you single, do your very best
before God to make your life the
very best by the help of the Holy
Spirit
Do you plan to get married? Don't
get married in a damaged state
heal, grow, mature and be teachable
Be willing to share your life with
another and be sure (Don't assume)
that the person is willing to share his
or her life, please be sure!
Times have changed
Reinhard Bonnke talked about a 
divorced woman who caught the fire
in one of his meetings and started an
Evangelistic ministry that gave him
pause
Kathryn Khulman was divorced!
I am sure either of the ladies would
have preferred to remain single if
they knew their marriages would 
constitute a hindrance to the 
fulfilment of their divine destinies.
Let your walk with the Holy Spirit
guide you into your reality in him.
Marriage is not for everybody!