Nostalgia

When I was about 7 or 9, there was 
this popular hairstyle called Tyson 
from the Boxer, Iron Mike Tyson. 
That about the time Mr. Deinde the 
local barber upgraded to an electronic 
clipper from the old one. 
We had two barbers then - Mr. Deinde 
and AY. 
AY was younger and had the electronic 
clipper while Mr. Deinde was stuck in 
1960 when Nigeria had independence 
with that ugly mechanical clipper. 
The man could talk! 
He would always mutter and speak 
Yoruba at you and force you to put your 
head in one place because he was... 
...always in a foul mood. 
Perhaps he wasn't getting any or his
 fingers ached due to the nature of 
some hair he barbed. 
I recall how hard Chukwuma Obiokolo's 
head was...like coconut wrapped with 
stubborn grass. 
Annoying man. 
Anyway, when we heard AY was barbing 
hair... in five minutes, we all rushed to him.
 Mr. Deinde was slow and could take one 
hour and by then you will have died of 
boredom as his TV was always on NTA 
Channel 7; (black and white for that matter) 
which was only in Yoruba. 
I had pleaded with my mum to allow me 
barb Tyson for months. 
Everyone was spotting the hairstyle include 
my arch-rival - John Coker who was eyeing 
my beloved - Kofo. My enchanted! 
Suddenly, she agreed! Perhaps, because it 
was days to my birthday. 
Words could not begin to describe my 
excitement that Sunday afternoon when 
we would... 
Normally go for a haircut. 
I literally dragged my elder brother Amaechi 
that Sunday after lunch and even walked 
ahead of him. 
Why should he even follow me? 
I was a big boy and about to join the league 
of Tyson Boys. 
We got there and after waiting like there 
was fuel scarcity ...it was my turn. 
My first hairstyle other than Gorimapa I 
was so excited, I was sure I told AY the 
style I wanted was Tyson but when my 
brother saw he was about to start without 
a brush, he quickly told him it was not 
"Gorris" but Tyson. 
Phew! 
So this was why he needed to follow me. 
The truth was that I had a bad stutter when 
I was younger. 
I spoke too fast and stuttered when I was 
excited so I believe I muttered the words 
under my breath so I won't end up saying 
nonsense. 
AY was fast. 
Fiam! I was a good-looking kid. 
Life was good. 
I could drink Crush in the sunlight of 
the day and feel on top of the world. 
I could finally talk to Kofo (My Tandy Guarana) 
and push away that chubby small boy called 
John Coker who sat beside Kofo while I 
sat in the last seat in my class. 
Teacher Onyene, it’s God that will judge her. 
Always calling them a couple while calling 
me “Shukwu”. 
Nonsense. 
Joy erupted. 
Peace reigned. 
Love called and whispered my name. 
Until I got home. 
Children of God, please say after me: 
I WILL NOT LISTEN TO THE VOICE OF 
A STRANGER!!! Now PRAY!!! 
Now, since I didn't talk much except at 
home, I had a knack for listening to things. 
I could mimic voice and sounds. 
I was fascinated with sounds hence I 
learned to make the sound of anything 
I heard. 
There is this particular sound the electronic 
clipper makes... Like a humming sound or 
"zaaaam" when the clipper starts from the 
back to the front. 
That term, while in French class, we learned 
a new word that sounded like "Mon Fere".
No, I don’t know what it means to date. 
However, I heard a voice while I was alone 
upstairs, admiring myself in the mirror in 
my Dad's bathroom. 
The voice was telling me to pick up my Dad's 
BIC shaving stick. 
"Pick it. Pick it"... the evil voice whispered. 
Now say after me "Mon Fere and then use 
the shaving stick... 
To make the sound you heard on your head." 
I listened to the lull of the voice 
"Make yourself finer for Kofo", just a few cuts 
as you make that sound. 
Now say "Mon Fere". 
I listened to this voice and in joy, I executed 
the action and strutted down the stairs like 
a happy-go-lucky boy. 
I went downstairs like a proud child not 
knowing I was dwelling in foolishness and 
kept saying "Mon Fere". 
It was Amaechi that saw it first and burst 
into fits of laughter and then the others 
joined him. 
Foolishly, I was still smiling.
Even my father whom we called Akpi 
(scorpion) saw it and cracked a smile and 
then I knew I was finished. 
I ran upstairs and looked at  the same mirror 
and saw 3 deep patches on my head from 
the shaving stick I used after listening to 
the strange voice of folly! 
Mon Fere became "You must cut the hair 
this night". 
The joy was over. 
Short-lived. 
How would I celebrate my birthday again? 
That was not even the question I should
 have asked myself for I asked it too soon. 
You see, I even thought there was hope 
and the worst case scenario, they would 
lower the haircut but as the enemy would 
have it that day, AY had closed and 
Mr. Deinde was the only barber whose 
shop was open. 
No electronic clipper. 
It became worse... 
This evil man didn't even think of a better 
way, he just scrapped the remaining hair 
with his local clipper. 
Gorimapa! 
Mr. Deinde, I will forever remember you as 
the man who took joy in destroying the 
hope of an innocent child that listened 
to the voice of a stranger. 
"How would I win over Kofo's love?" became 
the salient question. 
The question throbbed but alas the next day 
was Monday. 
Kids are cruel but none was as cruel as 
John Coker. 
I leave the rest to your imagination. 

Ps: This is indeed a deviation from my normal 
writings but I believe the laughter will go a 
long way in healing certain pains in the midst 
of bad reports! 
I release the Spirit of Joy by the power of 
the Holy Spirit in Jesus name! 

@earthworkrr