As soon as he got his salary,
he would drive down to the market.
He always kept stock of the food
items in the house and knew what
He would call all his customers in
the market ahead
He would make his orders Meat,
pepper, palm oil, vegetables, gaari,
yam flour & so on
From the market, he would drive down
to a popular supermarket close by
He would buy noodles, beverages, cereals,
milk, lunch pack drinks for his children
and toiletries for his wife and family
He dedicated a whole day to this activity
When he got home, he would get into
the kitchen and start cooking
He would cook beans, vegetable soup,
stew, fish stew and so on!
He would pack everything in small
take away packs and stock them in
Whenever the family wanted to eat,
all they had to do was boil rice or
make gaari, bring out a pack and
warm it in the microwave!
Then they will have their lunch or
dinner! He would then proceed to
the filling station and buy 100 liters of
fuel for the generator at home for
Once that was done, he would drop
twenty thousand Naira on the shelf
in the sitting room, always in 500 Naira
The money was meant for whatever
might come up as a need in
the course of the month which he
had not covered in his budget!
He would subscribe to the family internet,
Cable tv and electricity bill and other bills!
Once he was done, he would resume his
His normal life was simple!
He woke up at 6 am, prepares for work,
drops his children in school by 7:25 am,
gets to his office at 7:50 am
He closes from his office at the ministry
of lands by 5 pm, he drives to a nearby \
hotel to relax
He drinks, he smokes, he controls young
girls via phone to come and have a good
time with him
He does not sleep with any girl twice
(He says that will be courting emotional
entanglement and he does not engage in
He sleeps with an average of twenty girls
in the hotel every month!
His nickname was “ID slaughter”,
in reference to his expertise at “slaughtering”
teenagers and nubile ladies in their early
His father was once a permanent secretary
He was brought up in wealth
He drives a very good car and he is
involved in a lot of property runs within
the ministry that brings him extra-income!
He leaves the hotel at about 9:30 pm
He drives home and slept until the next
The routine starts all over
His wife came crying for help
She has practically become a prop in
He simply rendered her irrelevant and
pursued his own lifestyle without a
She wanted her home back but she
didn’t know how to get it!
She needed help!
She said he wasn’t always like that
He was once a dedicated husband
who loved her with all his heart
She was a beauty queen in the university
when they met
He courted her with respect and broke off
all his other relationships for her
He proposed with tears in his eyes
It was love
She said she didn’t know what came
Perhaps it was all the dreams and glamour
she had as a beauty queen and her hope
of marrying someone rich and famous
like other beauty queens before her
She took him for granted
It felt to her as if she could have done
better than him
She felt she should have waited for
someone richer, someone with a
So even though they were married,
she was extremely independent and
told him she wasn’t really sure she
was cut out for the wife thing
He did everything in his power to
convince her of his love
She just wasn’t ready
He would go off to work and return
by 6 pm
She would sleep and watch TV all-day
She had friends with whom she went
clubbing and so on
She never cheated on him
She just found herself in a place she felt
she didn’t want to be
He reported to her parents
He reported to his own parents
His father insisted he must not get
He told their pastor
This wasn’t what he bargained for
This wasn’t even close to being
She treated him like shit
When she got pregnant, it got worse!
She hated him for getting her pregnant
She hated herself for getting pregnant
She threatened to kill herself several
She threatened to commit abortion
He begged and pleaded
After she delivered the children
A set of twins she forbade him from
She just didn’t want to see him anymore!
She also refused to nurse the babies
They were not bearing her name
She just wanted to get back in shape
and get her life back
His mother came around and took
care of the children
When they were six months old, he got
two nannies and one house help
Somehow he adapted to his new
She didn’t care at first
She really didn’t know what he was
up to until she saw condoms in his wallet
She accused him of cheating on her
He just laughed She had not slept
with him in two years
They had virtually become strangers
He was 35 She was 33
They had been married
For six years!
She got a job
Her friends started getting married
one by one
Those who didn’t get married move
on to the next phases of their lives
She was stuck in a marriage she
thought she didn’t want
Suddenly she wanted the marriage
but all the dynamics have changed!
She had become a guest in her own
Even her children did not treat her
as other children treat their mothers
All her moves were clouded by suspicion
She wanted to right the wrongs
She wanted him to give her a second
She said “This is not the man I married,
he is under a spell”
Why do women whose husbands stray
always hide behind spells and demonic
This is not always the case!
The heart is a fragile place, once it
locks on the wrong target, it will result
in friendly fire and a lot of casualties!
I approached him at that market on a
His wife had told me his routine
I stood by his car until he returned
with his “bagco sacks” fully loaded!
I introduced myself and asked if we
could see later in the week
He was quite nice
He gave me his card
I met him on a Tuesday
We talked for a long time
He had gone to hell and back for
his marriage before giving up on it!
He said the only reason he didn’t
get a divorce was because his late
father, in his will, stated it clearly
that if any of his sons (his father had
five boys) initiated divorce against
his spouse, such should be cut off
from their inheritance
But if the divorce is initiated by
the spouse, then such a son can
keep his inheritance!
He had been waiting for her to get
tired and move out or sue him for
That was all he wanted
She was the definition of hell to him!
He said she got him arrested
Twice for raping her just for the
fun of it!
She really pushed so that he will
sue for divorce and lose his inheritance
just to spite him!
When he didn’t she labeled him a
He said a lot!
H had gone through too much!
That was day 1
By day 11, they were seating across
Looking each other in the eyes
She was really sorry and he was
listening and beginning to soften
his heart towards her
She begged him to let her start
cooking for him
She said if he would resume his routine
of returning home by 6 pm,
she guarantees there would be food
on the table and a welcome embrace!
It was a good start!
She weaned him off the street
Gradually he got back to his old routine
and eventually she started doing the
shopping and minding her home!
It took 18 months to settle that home!
Ps" Please learn how to cook
Please learn how to keep a home
It might one day save your marriage
It might be the only tangible thing
you eventually get to contribute to
his well-being every day
It might be your pot that will bind your
family together at a table of love
Everything is not about "woke" ideology
When a family gathers to eat, it
is always about more than food!
Pave a pathway for love today