Paving Pathways

As soon as he got his salary, 
he would drive down to the market. 
He always kept stock of the food 
items in the house and knew what 
was needed 
He would call all his customers in 
the market ahead 
He would make his orders Meat, 
pepper, palm oil, vegetables, gaari, 
yam flour & so on
From the market, he would drive down 
to a popular supermarket close by 
He would buy noodles, beverages, cereals, 
milk, lunch pack drinks for his children 
and toiletries for his wife and family 
He dedicated a whole day to this activity 
When he got home, he would get into 
the kitchen and start cooking 
He would cook beans, vegetable soup, 
stew, fish stew and so on! 
He would pack everything in small 
take away packs and stock them in 
the freezer! 
Whenever the family wanted to eat, 
all they had to do was boil rice or 
make gaari, bring out a pack and 
warm it in the microwave! 
Then they will have their lunch or 
dinner! He would then proceed to 
the filling station and buy 100 liters of 
fuel for the generator at home for 
the month! 
Once that was done, he would drop 
twenty thousand Naira on the shelf 
in the sitting room, always in 500 Naira
notes. 
The money was meant for whatever
might come up as a need in 
the course of the month which he 
had not covered in his budget! 
He would subscribe to the family internet, 
Cable tv and electricity bill and other bills! 
Once he was done, he would resume his 
normal life!
His normal life was simple! 
He woke up at 6 am, prepares for work, 
drops his children in school by 7:25 am, 
gets to his office at 7:50 am 
He closes from his office at the ministry 
of lands by 5 pm, he drives to a nearby \
hotel to relax 
He drinks, he smokes, he controls young 
girls via phone to come and have a good 
time with him 
He does not sleep with any girl twice 
(He says that will be courting emotional
entanglement and he does not engage in
unprotected sex!
He sleeps with an average of twenty girls 
in the hotel every month! 
His nickname was “ID slaughter”, 
in reference to his expertise at “slaughtering” 
teenagers and nubile ladies in their early
twenties! 
His father was once a permanent secretary 
He was brought up in wealth 
He drives a very good car and he is 
involved in a lot of property runs within 
the ministry that brings him extra-income!
 He leaves the hotel at about 9:30 pm 
He drives home and slept until the next
morning! 
The routine starts all over 
His wife came crying for help 
She has practically become a prop in 
the home 
He simply rendered her irrelevant and 
pursued his own lifestyle without a 
second thought 
She wanted her home back but she 
didn’t know how to get it! 
She needed help!
She said he wasn’t always like that 
He was once a dedicated husband 
who loved her with all his heart 
She was a beauty queen in the university 
when they met 
He courted her with respect and broke off 
all his other relationships for her 
He proposed with tears in his eyes 
It was love
She said she didn’t know what came 
over her 
Perhaps it was all the dreams and glamour
she had as a beauty queen and her hope
of marrying someone rich and famous
like other beauty queens before her
She took him for granted 
It felt to her as if she could have done 
better than him 
She felt she should have waited for 
someone richer, someone with a 
better surname! 
So even though they were married, 
she was extremely independent and
told him she wasn’t really sure she 
was cut out for the wife thing 
He did everything in his power to 
convince her of his love 
She just wasn’t ready 
He would go off to work and return 
by 6 pm 
She would sleep and watch TV all-day 
She had friends with whom she went 
clubbing and so on
She never cheated on him 
She just found herself in a place she felt 
she didn’t want to be 
He complained 
He reported to her parents 
He reported to his own parents
His father insisted he must not get 
a divorce
He told their pastor 
This wasn’t what he bargained for 
This wasn’t even close to being 
considerate 
She treated him like shit 
When she got pregnant, it got worse! 
She hated him for getting her pregnant 
She hated herself for getting pregnant 
She threatened to kill herself several 
times 
She threatened to commit abortion
He begged and pleaded 
After she delivered the children 
A set of twins she forbade him from 
touching her 
She just didn’t want to see him anymore!
She also refused to nurse the babies 
They were not bearing her name 
She just wanted to get back in shape 
and get her life back 
His mother came around and took 
care of the children 
When they were six months old, he got 
two nannies and one house help 
Somehow he adapted to his new
Reality! 
She didn’t care at first 
She really didn’t know what he was 
up to until she saw condoms in his wallet 
She accused him of cheating on her 
He just laughed She had not slept 
with him in two years 
They had virtually become strangers 
He was 35 She was 33 
They had been married
For six years! 
She got a job 
Her friends started getting married 
one by one 
Those who didn’t get married move 
on to the next phases of their lives 
She was stuck in a marriage she 
thought she didn’t want 
Suddenly she wanted the marriage 
but all the dynamics have changed! 
She had become a guest in her own 
home! 
Even her children did not treat her 
as other children treat their mothers 
All her moves were clouded by suspicion 
She wanted to right the wrongs 
She wanted him to give her a second 
chance 
She said “This is not the man I married, 
he is under a spell”
Why do women whose husbands stray 
always hide behind spells and demonic 
influences? 
This is not always the case! 
The heart is a fragile place, once it 
locks on the wrong target, it will result
in friendly fire and a lot of casualties! 
I approached him at that market on a 
Saturday morning! 
His wife had told me his routine 
I stood by his car until he returned 
with his “bagco sacks” fully loaded! 
I introduced myself and asked if we 
could see later in the week 
He was quite nice 
He gave me his card 
I met him on a Tuesday 
We talked for a long time 
He had gone to hell and back for 
his marriage before giving up on it! 
He said the only reason he didn’t 
get a divorce was because his late 
father, in his will, stated it clearly 
that if any of his sons (his father had 
five boys) initiated divorce against 
his spouse, such should be cut off
from their inheritance 
But if the divorce is initiated by 
the spouse, then such a son can 
keep his inheritance! 
He had been waiting for her to get 
tired and move out or sue him for 
divorce! 
That was all he wanted 
She was the definition of hell to him! 
He said she got him arrested
Twice for raping her just for the 
fun of it! 
She really pushed so that he will 
sue for divorce and lose his inheritance 
just to spite him! 
When he didn’t she labeled him a 
spineless wimp! 
He said a lot! 
H had gone through too much! 
That was day 1 
By day 11, they were seating across 
the table
Looking each other in the eyes
She was really sorry and he was 
listening and beginning to soften 
his heart towards her 
She begged him to let her start 
cooking for him 
She said if he would resume his routine 
of returning home by 6 pm, 
she guarantees there would be food 
on the table and a welcome embrace! 
It was a good start! 
She weaned him off the street 
Gradually he got back to his old routine 
and eventually she started doing the 
shopping and minding her home! 
It took 18 months to settle that home! 

Ps" Please learn how to cook 
Please learn how to keep a home 
It might one day save your marriage
It might be the only tangible thing
you eventually get to contribute to
his well-being every day
It might be your pot that will bind your
family together at a table of love
and unity!
Everything is not about "woke" ideology
When a family gathers to eat, it
is always about more than food!
 

Pave a pathway for love today