Things Remembered III

She: All I did was cry for several weeks. It was not my first heartbreak, but it was the worst in the last twenty-five years.

My first heartbreak happened when I was in Unilag studying law.

The final year student I was dating while I was in my first year was secretly taping our intimate moments and replaying them to his friends and roommates in the male hostel.

I got so popular that they gave me a nickname amongst themselves.

Whenever I went visiting, boys would greet me with this mischievous look and shout "Spartacus" in an embarrassing manner.

I asked my ex-boyfriend what was going on, and one of his roommates smiled and said, "You are our Kim K, sex tape queen."

That was how I knew that I had been on display all over the boys' hostel.

I had also become popular in some female hostel, for the same reason.

However, ladies are not kind to other ladies in that regard.

The treatment I got, I mean, the stigma and the shame, made me pack my bags by myself.

I returned to my father's house in Surulere and began to drive to school for lectures on a daily basis.

That was my first heartbreak; it felt as if I had died and my soul set on fire somewhere in hell.

How I managed to survive it, I cannot tell till today.

It also ruined my chances of dating anyone else in Unilag.

I could never tell whether the person asking to date me just wanted to be with me because he had seen the videos and considered a cheap lay, or was serious about being with me for real.

So my freshman mistake effectively closed the door to future prospects in terms of relationships on campus.

I dated outside of campus.

I think I had two or three relationships.

One in FESTAC, I think that was just to get over the UNILAG scandal and remind myself I am not what I had been portrayed to be, and the other two were just flings.

I knew my father would never accept them, so they really didn't matter.

My father was into properties; he buys all sorts of houses and buildings and resells them after renovation or refurbishment.

He had properties all over the country, and he came from a very prominent family.

I was raised to be a very strong and independent woman.

My father had always told me the categories of men that he would accept from me as my spouse.

He said if I couldn't get any of those kinds of men, he would settle for me getting pregnant and giving the children. I have my own surname rather than taint his lineage with men of lesser weight in society.

My twin sister chose this option early. I never knew much about her love life, but as soon as she was in her second year at the University, she was dropping babies.

She had always been in love with our father, and for her, his word was law.

I was the one who wanted to give life a bit of a chance.

Him: I went looking for her every day after she broke up with me.

I would close from the office and drive to her apartment. I would stay in my car and wait all day, hoping that she would show up.

All I wanted was a chance to see her again and hold her in my arms.

I was sure that if she saw me, face-to-face, she would melt in my arms.

We wouldn't even have to say much.

She had tried it several times, and every time, the passion we both have for each other had drowned out every form of objection she had.

All I needed was a face-to-face meeting, and I was willing to persevere until she got the message that I was going nowhere.

Eight days after I started this daily vigil, she called.

She said she had been observing me on her CCTV as I drove to her house daily and would stay there till midnight.

She said I needed to see a shrink because I had become obsessed with her and was stalking her.

She said she does not feel safe with someone who has gone off the rails, parked in front of her house daily.

To make matters worse, I sensed she was recording the conversation because of how she was carefully using an interrogative tone to speak to me.

She was careful to absolve herself of wrongdoing while stating facts in a manner that was devoid of context.

She said if I didn't stop coming to her house, she would have to get a restraining order against me and publish my face all over the internet as a stalker.

Her words and mannerisms cut me to the quick.

I cried all the way back to my house.

I decided I would have to let her go; the direction she took matters was way out of my league.

Her: My reaction to his persistence was crazy. I was missing him and trying to work out my heartbreak the best way I know how to.

I decided to stay with a friend for the weekend.

That was when I saw his car parked in front of my house for the first time through my CCTV app.

I wanted to jump into the car and drive home, because I was not too far away from my house, but what point would that make?

Things wouldn't change.

He will still not be good enough for my father.

I will only end up weakening and crying in his arms all night.

It was a cycle I had experienced over and over again with him.

He was willing, open, and ready.

I was the one with the insurmountable issues.

The relationship was doomed to fail.

Someone had to play the adult here.

I felt he would give up, but he didn't do so for a whole week.

That was when I decided to swallow the bitter pill and force him to face reality.

I placed a call across to him and said some of the most brutal things I had ever said to another person in my life, while holding back my tears.

The worst moment of that phone conversation was when he said, "Are you recording this call?"

I almost fainted with shame.

He knew me too well, and he loved me all the same.

I think that was the last conversation we ever had

I suddenly noticed that he had blocked me on every platform.

That was a first for me.

"I don't block people as a rule, and I never get blocked."

I guess I must have hurt him quite deeply, but I know it is all for the best.

He: I had to block her. My mind was not in a good place, and my heart kept going back to her.

I had been heartbroken before, and I know the process.

I knew eventually my body would adjust, and her dopamine effect on my brain would wear off.

The problem was how to exercise discipline and self-control until I could take charge of my own emotions, as expected.

After a week of misery, I bought a ticket and flew out of the country.

A change of environment always helps, and this did a lot of good.

I met another lady from another country.

We had lunch several times and talked a lot.

She told me all about herself and her relationships/friendships, and familial relationships up until when we met.

I told her all about my heartbreak and how hopelessly in love I was with the person who broke my heart.

It took about two weeks of talking about it.

The tears stopped flowing, and the strong feelings abated.

I returned home.

She: I was over him

I knew it

It took almost twelve weeks in all, but by the end of the third month after we broke up, I was sure I had mended

I had a client whose properties were being investigated and audited due to a divorce proceeding

The client, my team, the client's wife, and his wife's legal team had to meet for a compulsory conference.

We chose a hotel in Lagos for the meeting.

We arrived for the meeting at 10 am, and it dragged on and on till about 8 pm.

When we were done, I walked tiredly to the car park.

I opened my car door, just as a car parked beside me, and the driver jumped down.

I perceived him, not his perfume or any other fragrance.

I perceived him before turning my head in his direction.

The turn of my head met with his left hand on my neck and his mouth on mine.

My knees buckled, and he supported me with his other arm.

He clung to me like a drowning man clinging to a life tube.

He opened the back seat of his car.

I jumped in, and he jumped in too.

I wanted to talk, but he was not interested, and to be candid, neither was I

Had my father seen us that day, he would have had a heart attack.

The thing I didn't do as a teenager, I did in my late thirties, at the back of a car.

We were there for three hours.

His car engine ran, the silence was a farewell and closure experience, and the lingering on was to cling to whatever shred of hope and dignity we had left.

Eventually, I dressed up. I opened the door of his car slowly and eased myself out.

Without looking back, I got into my car and drove off.

He didn't say a word, didn't even wave at me or look in my direction.

I know it was over, and he knew it too.

Him: My flight was delayed for three hours in Dubai

I missed the initial connecting flight and had to quickly amend the ticket so that I could fly with the next one three hours later.

We got into Lagos at about 9 pm.

I had left my car parked at the airport and had to pay my bills to get it out.

When I was done, I felt it was too late to drive home.

I drove to my favourite hotel and saw her.

Walking slowly towards the car park in her black and white uniform with her laptop bag draped across her shoulder

My heart started racing again.

I scanned the park, located her car, and parked right beside her.

I alighted, she looked at me, and I kissed her.

I was on fumes here, but I couldn't help it

She kissed me back

We got into the back of my car and lost it

We both needed to lay that ghost to rest, and we did.

I cannot tell how long it was before she left, but she did

Some time after she left, I also alighted from the car and went into the hotel to check in.

PS: It's been three years.

Him: I have not laid my eyes on her since that last day till today. I know she is fine wherever she is. I have met someone else and gotten married.

It is the best thing I could do for myself.

I married for love, and also for compatibility and peace of mind.

My heart couldn't afford to go through another wringer routine.

She: I will never get married. I have come to that conclusion now.

I had hoped that last night with him would make me pregnant, so that I could keep something unique of him all to myself, but that didn't happen.

My career is going quite well.

I clocked forty-one in April, and I still look twenty-two.

My Father is seventy-two now, and he has retired back to Anambra State.

My twin sister and her three children have now relocated to the United Kingdom, courtesy of my father.

Life has given me everything I needed, including experiencing true love.

I am grateful for that.

If you have not read Things Remembered Part I and II, you need to check them out on http://gbengawemimo.com or on http://Gswmi.com.

On Saturday, by 12, The Glory Experience Concert will be happening in Lagos.

I will be there with all the GSWMI ministers.

It is our last physical event in Lagos, Nigeria, for 2025

If there is anything you have been instructed to reach out to me or members of the team for that you have not received, please come to this event, and I guarantee, every lingering promise will be kept.