Choker

The whole issue boomerang when his wife 

questioned him about his whereabouts after a Sunday Service

They went to church together

She knew he was a minister

She knew he was anointed and had to minister 

to people or at least counsel people

She knew who he was and what he was 

before they got married

It was not a case of changing the goalpost

She knew she was getting married to a pastor

Pastors are usually the last to leave the church

It was the responsible thing to do

That his wife left him in the church immediately after service

testified to the fact that she didn't have the 

temperament to be pastor's wife

There was nothing he had not done to convince 

his wife that ministry work is for both the husband and the wife

The wife simply wouldn't hear it

The wife wanted her own space and couldn't 

tolerate any form of encroachment

It made life frustrating for him as a pastor

He wondered how pastors whose wife's support so

readily did it

He had tried everything he knew

He begged her, bought her gifts, tried to appeal to 

her better judgement

She insisted she wanted him to be a pastor

But he must be a corporate pastor

"The same way you deal with your clients at your chambers,

deal with the church members that way!

Was it not supposed to be a case of You pray and they say amen?

Teach your people to have faith and to trust in God

If they truly trust in God why would they still want to see you

after service? 

What is all this one -on-one counselling sessions?

What time will i have to spend with my own husband?

See, i have read many books, family comes before ministry

You will do my will or I will destroy your ministry

Do you think you will be able to minister as a divorced man?

This is not America! No church will place you on the altar

if I leave you today

You will become a "bad market", an embarrassment even to God"

He got the message loud and clear after that day

He spoke with the senior pastor

Please keep me off officiating for the time being

I have serious domestic issues to settle

The senior pastor asked if he and his wife could wade into the matter

He told the senior pastor not to bother

He was sure it would only make matters worse

His wife didn't know how to adjust her beliefs

Anybody who dares tell her anything contrary to her belief

becomes her enemy

He told the senior pastor he would like to seek God's face

The senior pastor understood!

He stopped ministering

His wife became very happy

The days of grumbling on Sunday mornings were over

His wife woke up early and was ready for church on time

She was equally happy to sit beside him during service 

Once the service was over, she carried his Bible 

and they head home

If he dallied for a minute, she would be crossed

 and spitting fire

He complied for about a year

That was the happiest season of their three years 

old marriage to 

his wife

His wife boasted about it to her friends

"I cannot allow all these social contacts

Ladies of nowadays are very desperate and pastors are the

most vulnerable!

They open themselves up to everybody in the 

name of trying to help

And ironically, it was always the ladies that need special prayer

Most of the young men would be blessed during service

And the men in the church would hardly go to the 

female pastor to seek counsel

But the ladies must disguise to do evil under the canopy of 

God's love!

Many of the ladies have ulterior motives and I will not allow 

anybody

to scatter my home

I shut it down! That church rubbish! I shut it down!

Let his face his job and serve the Lord like every other person

God knows I couldn't tolerate it!"

He heard her himself babbling away on the phone

His wife didn't notice how unhappy he was

She thought he was sulking at first

And then she got used to it

Taking the palm from its kernel was never easy

She knew he loved being a pastor but so what?\

It was one of his clients that noticed his demeanour at work

He was representing the lady's firm on a land dispute matter

The lady said to him out of the blue

"Something happened to you, you used to be happier! 

You used to radiate warmth and cheer but you are 

now somehow dull and weary!

That was eleven months after he stopped pastoring

He didn't know why

Perhaps because the lady was not a part of their 

social circle and he knew the word couldn't filter 

back to his wife

Perhaps it was because he really needed a listening ear

He told the lady the hell he was enduring in the name 

of a marriage 

The lady empathised with him

Somehow the discussion he had with the lady helped him

He slept joyfully for the first time in many months

The next day he called the lady to thank her

She had been divorced for three years and 

had been through therapy

She seemed to have the right word 

The lady started coming around once in a while

Then more frequently until they started having sex

It was not voodoo or any such thing

He had backslid for some time and he knew it

At first, he drew back from the church and the things of God 

deliberately, hoping his wife will pay attention and he would be

 able to use that to force a discussion with her about getting

 back to the altar in the church

His wife didn't even notice!

The less of the godly things he did, the happier his wife

Sleeping with the lady felt like getting even

He knew it was wrong but he was happy

He was very careful at first, not because he feared his wife

But because he wanted the affair to last for a while

Nobody needed to know that he was getting the springs

in his feet from another source

He really liked the source

But as time went on he became careless

He stopped covering his tracks and the name of the 

lady he was sleeping with came up too often in his conversations

with his wife!

His wife smelled a rat and pursued it

She waited for him to return home from the office one day 

when the drama began

She cried and shouted and raved

But he was past caring at that point

She said she would report him to their pastor

He laughed! A church he had not been to in several weeks

She said she would report him to his mother

The worst his mother would say was "Stop it"

He would still have to decide what was best for him

She told him she wanted a divorce

He moved out of the house the very next day

The widow lady was offering him more than his wife ever did

His wife realised too late that while he might have left 

physically on that day, he had left her long before that time!

She was angry for a season

She hated him for another season

She regretted marrying him for another season

Then she wanted him back

She realised that she had been robbed

He was hers! He was legally her husband!

She reached out to the Brother in Jeans and T-shirt

She told her story!

She spoke of how a strange woman came from nowhere and 

shattered her happy home

She dropped her husband's phone number

The Brother in Jeans and T-shirt went to see him

The husband, his brother in Christ, also told his side of the story

He didn't love the divorced lady, he had also stopped loving his wife

What he loved at that moment was his freedom\

He could go to church and leave anytime he wanted

He had started a charity foundation for the poor, widows and destitute

His wife had said NO! to it while they were together

He had wanted to do it since he was a child and he had done it

He was not being policed everywhere by any woman

His wife had accused him several times of flinching when she 

walked into the room when they were together, 

insinuating that he was chatting with a lady

on the phone when he was doing nothing of such

Her insecurity was second to none

He couldn't deal with it and he wouldn't cope with it!

He said he was himself and he wouldn't go back into slavery!

The Brother in Jeans and T-shirt took the response back to her

She cried bitterly

She explained that she was only trying to protect him from 

dangerous woman with venomous motives

She wanted to keep him from straying

She promised to do better

Three years without him had taught her a lesson

The Brother in Jeans and T-shirt also spoke with the divorced lady

She was in the country for a short time to settle her late father's estate

SHe was based in the United Kingdom

She felt his wife was choking him and she needed to intervene

She didn't want anything serious

She was all for them resolving the issue and moving 

on with their lives

PS: The back and forth went on for six months

The dying ember of their love was fanned to life again

Though with obvious scars of battle

They both learnt vital lessons about each other and life

In the seventh year of their marriage

After spending, three years together and three years apart

She delivered her first child, a boy in 2016

His charity foundation is waxing stronger by the day

The church put him through some hoops but 

he is back ministering

They go to church in separate cars (In case he needed to 

attend to people and she wanted to go home early to

cook or sleep or make her hair)

She delivered her second child on the tenth year anniversary 

of their wedding which was on May 23

There are storms of life, storms of the devil and

storms of our own making!

There is nothing as putrid as a choking love

Love needs space to breathe!

Let love breathe!