Forgive your ex

I have seen mature parents going

through a separation or a divorce

put the interest of their children

above their feelings, while taking

decisions. They would consider the children's mental well-being, psychological well-being, emotional well-being and

find a way to ensure the brunt

of the separation or divorce was

not borne by the children in any way.

They will accommodate their exes

In a reasonable way to ensure that the children have access to them and will resist unburdened on the children or speaking ill of their exes to the children

or reporting their exes to the children

or making any disparaging remarks

about their exes for that matter.

 

Some of them are mature to the

extent that they keep a cordial

relationship with their exes even

after the divorce and maintain mutual respect and understanding for the

sake of their children and for

their own well-being.

 

On the flip side of this are the

horrible parents who put their feelings

and emotions ahead of reason and

the well being of their children.

They desire to hurt their spouses,

to keep him or her in perpetual pain

and as an emotional wreck for some reason.They don't want the person they had deemed unfit to continue in marriage to be totally free of pain to pursue another life after them, So they take the children and turn them to emotional landmines and baits for their ex.

They want to be able to write the

story "How this divorce affected the children because my ex didn't stay

married to me". They will use

the children to collect money from

their exes, they will keep the children spiteful from the reach of their exes

as a form of punishment.

They will damage the children

emotionally without a care in the

world. They don't see the evil

in their actions. All they see

is an opportunity to make life

hell for their exes. They will talk about the evilness of their exes to the children and make the children bear the pain of whatever went wrong between the two of them

 

I know a couple in Nigeria,

both of them are Pastors

The man was a publisher,

the woman a teacher.

They had three girls and one boy

The marriage didn't work out due

to the man's infidelity. The woman

decided she would rather be separated from him than continue bearing with

him in his unfaithfulness.

 

The man didn't argue.

They both decided to be mature

about it and protect the children

from the fallout. When she moved,

the first son and daughter (last child) moved with her. The other two

boys stayed with their father.

He was a wealthy man but the

wife left all the wealth behind.

She moved into a flat and faced her life.

One would then think since

she chose to leave the wealth behind,

she had chosen the path of peace.

The boys with the Father would

call her for instructions

She would tell them, go clubbing,

enjoy your father's money, you

don't know how many

children he has outside of this

marriage, spend his money anyhow

and take your inheritance now.

The boys were teenagers at this

time and they chose not to leave

their father's house of their own accord

The ones with her were told tales

of their father's sexcapades and

immoral life.

The teenagers went wild

Clubbing, partying, getting into

all sorts of troubles while pandering

to their mother's instruction

Both of them flunked out of two universities and ended up impregnating some desperate girls who thought their opulent lifestyle means a guaranteed soft

life

 

One evening, on their way to

the club they had an accident and

while both of them were spared,

the five passengers in their car all died.

They were arrested for drunk driving and manslaughter. Their father spent a

lot of money to get them out

of the ordeal.

When they got home

their father asked them why

they were behaving so recklessly

to the point of having a hand

in the death of their friends

They said "Mummy said you will

discard us the way you discarded her.

She said we should take our inheritance now because your other children

will be the one in your will"

The man reached out to me, he said please help me with my sons, they

need a role model and I cannot understand their language anymore"

I spent days with these young men,

taking them out and trying to show

them perspectives of reality by the

Spirit.

 

Then I requested to have a

sit down with their mother.

The separation had been on for

12 years and she was still very bitter

"Their father chose to chase skirts,

and the children are suffering for it"

"I wanted them to come with me

but they chose to live where

the money is, they are greedy

of gains and what did the Bible

say about the love of money?"

The ones I raised are perfect

"Even though their father paid for their education, I raised them to be morally upright as it should be. It is their

father that chose not to value

that and the wrath of God was

unleashed on him through his children"

"I don't know if he had any child

outside the marriage but since the boys chose to stay with him I had to

tell them to consider the possibility"

She didn't see anything wrong

in planting such evil seeds in her

own children. She felt vindicated that things didn't turn out the way she wanted.

We have such men and women all over the world. Bitter, angry and frustrated souls who takes delight in making the lives of their exes hell just for the fun of it

or as a form of payback.

If you were raised by a toxic parent

Please reach out for help today.

It might have damaged you in

many ways and you may not know

how to truly express love and see love objectively anymore.

 

It may lead to overcompensating for insecurity or other ills in your relationship

Please reach out. If you're a spouse raising children with the aim of

using them to punish your ex or

filling them with bitter stories of your ex.

You are hurting the children emotionally and you may end up raising psychopaths or sociopaths who will not give a hoot about people and you too in future

Contain your pain.

It will get better.

The children must be spared the consequences of your choices at all cost.

Please!

 

When I hear people say "I want to

keep the children but I don't want

any form of contact with my ex"

(Except in a physically abusive situation), the one speaking is the bitter and bad parent. Put your children's need first.

The bond between a parent and their children is a strong one, it is stronger

than the bond between a married couple.

For all the westernized idea of love

being propagated, this is the absolute truth.

 

Don't dent your children' love life

because your own didn't work out!

If you do, you're ruining their future

and they will end up cursing you when they come to the realization of what you are doing in the future.

I know there are exceptions but for the majority of spiteful exes out there,

you won't really be free to move

on if you don't deal with these emotional whatever that has turned you to a

parent who use his or her own children

as weapons against their other parent.

If you find yourself descending that low

or already doing that, please change

today.

Forgive your ex.

Nurture your children.

Move on with your life!

 

-GSW-

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