Forgive your ex
I have seen mature parents going
through a separation or a divorce
put the interest of their children
above their feelings, while taking
decisions. They would consider the children's mental well-being, psychological well-being, emotional well-being and
find a way to ensure the brunt
of the separation or divorce was
not borne by the children in any way.
They will accommodate their exes
In a reasonable way to ensure that the children have access to them and will resist unburdened on the children or speaking ill of their exes to the children
or reporting their exes to the children
or making any disparaging remarks
about their exes for that matter.
Some of them are mature to the
extent that they keep a cordial
relationship with their exes even
after the divorce and maintain mutual respect and understanding for the
sake of their children and for
their own well-being.
On the flip side of this are the
horrible parents who put their feelings
and emotions ahead of reason and
the well being of their children.
They desire to hurt their spouses,
to keep him or her in perpetual pain
and as an emotional wreck for some reason.They don't want the person they had deemed unfit to continue in marriage to be totally free of pain to pursue another life after them, So they take the children and turn them to emotional landmines and baits for their ex.
They want to be able to write the
story "How this divorce affected the children because my ex didn't stay
married to me". They will use
the children to collect money from
their exes, they will keep the children spiteful from the reach of their exes
as a form of punishment.
They will damage the children
emotionally without a care in the
world. They don't see the evil
in their actions. All they see
is an opportunity to make life
hell for their exes. They will talk about the evilness of their exes to the children and make the children bear the pain of whatever went wrong between the two of them
I know a couple in Nigeria,
both of them are Pastors
The man was a publisher,
the woman a teacher.
They had three girls and one boy
The marriage didn't work out due
to the man's infidelity. The woman
decided she would rather be separated from him than continue bearing with
him in his unfaithfulness.
The man didn't argue.
They both decided to be mature
about it and protect the children
from the fallout. When she moved,
the first son and daughter (last child) moved with her. The other two
boys stayed with their father.
He was a wealthy man but the
wife left all the wealth behind.
She moved into a flat and faced her life.
One would then think since
she chose to leave the wealth behind,
she had chosen the path of peace.
The boys with the Father would
call her for instructions
She would tell them, go clubbing,
enjoy your father's money, you
don't know how many
children he has outside of this
marriage, spend his money anyhow
and take your inheritance now.
The boys were teenagers at this
time and they chose not to leave
their father's house of their own accord
The ones with her were told tales
of their father's sexcapades and
immoral life.
The teenagers went wild
Clubbing, partying, getting into
all sorts of troubles while pandering
to their mother's instruction
Both of them flunked out of two universities and ended up impregnating some desperate girls who thought their opulent lifestyle means a guaranteed soft
life
One evening, on their way to
the club they had an accident and
while both of them were spared,
the five passengers in their car all died.
They were arrested for drunk driving and manslaughter. Their father spent a
lot of money to get them out
of the ordeal.
When they got home
their father asked them why
they were behaving so recklessly
to the point of having a hand
in the death of their friends
They said "Mummy said you will
discard us the way you discarded her.
She said we should take our inheritance now because your other children
will be the one in your will"
The man reached out to me, he said please help me with my sons, they
need a role model and I cannot understand their language anymore"
I spent days with these young men,
taking them out and trying to show
them perspectives of reality by the
Spirit.
Then I requested to have a
sit down with their mother.
The separation had been on for
12 years and she was still very bitter
"Their father chose to chase skirts,
and the children are suffering for it"
"I wanted them to come with me
but they chose to live where
the money is, they are greedy
of gains and what did the Bible
say about the love of money?"
The ones I raised are perfect
"Even though their father paid for their education, I raised them to be morally upright as it should be. It is their
father that chose not to value
that and the wrath of God was
unleashed on him through his children"
"I don't know if he had any child
outside the marriage but since the boys chose to stay with him I had to
tell them to consider the possibility"
She didn't see anything wrong
in planting such evil seeds in her
own children. She felt vindicated that things didn't turn out the way she wanted.
We have such men and women all over the world. Bitter, angry and frustrated souls who takes delight in making the lives of their exes hell just for the fun of it
or as a form of payback.
If you were raised by a toxic parent
Please reach out for help today.
It might have damaged you in
many ways and you may not know
how to truly express love and see love objectively anymore.
It may lead to overcompensating for insecurity or other ills in your relationship
Please reach out. If you're a spouse raising children with the aim of
using them to punish your ex or
filling them with bitter stories of your ex.
You are hurting the children emotionally and you may end up raising psychopaths or sociopaths who will not give a hoot about people and you too in future
Contain your pain.
It will get better.
The children must be spared the consequences of your choices at all cost.
Please!
When I hear people say "I want to
keep the children but I don't want
any form of contact with my ex"
(Except in a physically abusive situation), the one speaking is the bitter and bad parent. Put your children's need first.
The bond between a parent and their children is a strong one, it is stronger
than the bond between a married couple.
For all the westernized idea of love
being propagated, this is the absolute truth.
Don't dent your children' love life
because your own didn't work out!
If you do, you're ruining their future
and they will end up cursing you when they come to the realization of what you are doing in the future.
I know there are exceptions but for the majority of spiteful exes out there,
you won't really be free to move
on if you don't deal with these emotional whatever that has turned you to a
parent who use his or her own children
as weapons against their other parent.
If you find yourself descending that low
or already doing that, please change
today.
Forgive your ex.
Nurture your children.
Move on with your life!
-GSW-
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