The first time she caught her husband
cheating on her
She surprised herself by her reaction
She was calm and somehow understanding
She didn't know how or why
They had met in the United Kingdom
He was making good money with a branding
She went to the United Kingdom for a
Spinster's getaway some of her friends
She was not from a very rich background
Her best friend with whom she had
spent almost every holiday since she was
in Junior secondary school paid for her
Their friendship was that wonderful
She didn't know why he singled her out
of all the ladies at the park
She was the only one who didn't like
the idea of getting married
She came from a polygamous background
and grew up in Ilorin
She saw and experienced the effect of
marital manipulations, attention deficiency
She saw how marriage made a witch out
of many a woman
She saw men dying prematurely
as a consequence of marrying the wrong
She saw her mother, a good prayerful
and devout woman become a shadow of
herself as soon as her father married a
younger second wife
She hated the bitterness
It was why she rarely spent time at home
from the moment she was taken to the
She would elect to travel on the annual
summer tour with the school or stay
with her best friend who was an only
child of Christian parents who were well
Even in the "Christian" marriage, she saw
No marriage is perfect
None can be
So she steeled herself
She wanted no part of a chance ride
Better to be alone and sane
Than to go insane in the name of love
A home is anywhere you find peace
Not somewhere a man and a woman
stays in together willy nilly!
He was pretty sure he would have her
She could feel his cockiness
She decided to teach him a lesson
Play along and hear what he has to say
That was the mistake she made
He spoke so well
He didn't do the usual "You are the
butter in my bread talk"
He just chatted her up and within
minutes she was relaxed
They spoke all day!
Later that evening, when her friends
were teasing her that she has a
boyfriend, she wasn't put off by the
She liked it!
He got her badly!
He was generous, kind, considerate and
They got married two years later
She was sure he was the one!
She was so sure!
A year after the wedding, she had her
Everything was perfect
He was working with an architectural firm
close to the house
She was working with a bank
One Tuesday morning in 2009, she forgot
a kettle of water on the gas cooker while
dashing off to work
She was already at the office when she
She was scared she was going to burn
down the house
She called her husband's phone number
over and over
He didn't pick
She got into her car and drove home in
When she got to her street and saw the
house still standing, her heart leapt with
She parked her car, rushed into the house
through the back door that led directly
to the kitchen!
She found the kettle, badly burnt still on
She turned off the cooker and waited
for the burnt kettle to cool down
Then she heard the sound
The front door opened
A lady walked in followed by her husband
They didn't waste any time
Her husband grabbed the lady
from behind and almost ripped
her jeans to shreds as he pulled it
She watched her husband take the
She just stood there, transfixed!
Her husband was performing as if
he was going to win stallion of the year
She found her voice and called his name!
He looked at her and his eyes went wide
She quietly walked out afterward
She went to the office and did her job
She closed at the usual time
She went to the daycare centre to pick
her daughter and she returned home
He also returned home at the usual
Later in the night, he said "I am sorry"
She didn't make a big deal of it
She didn't fight
She was hurt but she was not disappointed
Her husband had acted as a typical man would
At the end of that month, she resigned
A lady was employed in her office
The lady was given a position far above her own
and she was instructed to teach the lady
the work to be done
It was the height of insensitivity by the
Not only was the lady younger and less
She was expected to teach her the job
and still, refer to her as madam!
Her MD wanted to sleep with her
She said no!
She got the "cold room" treatment
and the husband she did it for
was a cheat!
It was overwhelming
When she saw that she couldn't cope,
she threw in the towel!
Her husband didn't like her decision
He complained bitterly and even
reported her to family members as
idle and indolent!
After a year of staying at home and
suffering all manners of ill-treatment,
mean words and mental abuse
She got another job
As soon as she got the job and things
began to stabilize, she noticed a strange
symptom in her body
When she got to the doctor, she was told
she was infected with an STD
How can a woman who is faithful
to her own husband get an STD?
She confronted him
He said sorry!
He didn't consider her health and life
before having unprotected sex with
Would sorry cure HIV or Hepatitis?
She spent a lot of money before she
got rid of the STD
For months afterward, she slept
in another room
After some time he made an issue of it
She was the one driving him to the
other women outside of their matrimonial
She loved him but his selfish attitude
was getting to her
Before she said anything, he would say
"I don't have children from another
or "Other women are contending with
so much worse"
She hated it whenever he did that
Trying to diminish her reality with a
bogus example or another
Yet she tolerated it!
When their marriage clocked six
The architectural firm her husband
was working with closed down
He started sitting at home
Watching movies and series
Eating and sleeping
Enjoying the proceeds of her labour
She tried not to repay him in the same
coin as he did for her
She tolerated him and encouraged him
She was earning a six-figure salary with
She denied him nothing
She was also putting in words for him
with friends and colleagues about getting
He told her he got an interview in Abuja
she funded the trip
He went for a week
When he returned, they made love
and she got infected again!
She had several tests
It was another STD
The doctor even told her to bring him
The doctor said he had to treat himself too!
He couldn't deny anything
He said "sorry again"
He could have been faithful
He could have considered her
He could have considered how much he had
put her through
He could have used a condom
He could have denied himself
All he had to offer was sorry
She paid for his treatment as well
as her own
Funny enough, his treatment took
injections and drugs
She had a minor surgery
She paid more for his indiscretion!
And she said "Enough"
Marriage was not supposed to put
her in the grave
She had been a good wife
She had been faithful and productive
She had forgiven and forgotten past wrongs
She had paid the rent and put food on
She had done all the good that she was
supposed to do
He had repaid her by exposing her to
danger over and over again
She moved into another room
This time, he couldn't raise hell
He had told everybody in her life
how wicked and unforgiving she
was the first time
He couldn't go back to the same people
to say "I have done it again"
The separation of rooms lasted for
about a year
She was considering her next move
when a headhunter contacted her
She was offered a multinational job
she would have to move to another
country in Africa
She took it!
She told him about the job
He was happy for her
He began to make plans of a new
beginning with her
He told her he would wait behind to dispose of the properties in
the house and settle their estate
before joining them
She knew he wanted to enjoy himself very well while she was away
She had stopped caring
She didn't say a word
She left two weeks later with
That same day, she contacted
her lawyer and filed for
PS: The husband is confused
He didn't know what he did to merit
He felt they had their challenges
like other couples and that they
had overcome the challenges
They were supposed to be heading
for a new beginning....
He told everybody it was because he didn't have a job and therefore
she considered him a liability!
After ten years of marriage
she just couldn't take it anymore!
GSW's NOTE: Please, do better!
Husbands and wives, please you
can do better!
If you find yourself with a good
spouse, please dont ruin the
relationship by taking such for
Religion is not strong enough a
reason for a man or a woman to
stay in a loveless marriage!
Remember, "Still waters run deep"